


Enlightenment

by AsphorFell, GreenEyedVision



Category: Death Note & Related Fandoms, Death Note (Anime & Manga)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Dysfunctional Relationships, Isekai, Platonic Relationships, Platonic Yandere, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, Unhealthy Relationships, Yandere, updates weekly
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-09-02
Updated: 2020-03-02
Packaged: 2020-10-04 09:21:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 26
Words: 30,472
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20468687
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AsphorFell/pseuds/AsphorFell, https://archiveofourown.org/users/GreenEyedVision/pseuds/GreenEyedVision
Summary: For some reason, Sayu had just assumed that she’d have more time.She couldn’t really say why.It was probably in the same vein as most things in childhood- time slips by and you can’t keep track of it.Hell, it had been so long since she’d given any thought to the future that she’d nearly forgotten. But she’d needed help with her homework, had gone to Light, only to find his door locked- and just like that, everything had come flooding back to her.*Updates Mondays





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This was born because I wanted to experiment with sort-of self insert characters with meta knowledge and Death Note, and because GreenEyedVision was willing to work with me and help me iron out a whole new plot spun from canon. Seriously everything goes to her, because she read my drafts, gave me suggestions, rewatched the show with me and double checked how the manga held up to the anime in regard to time/plot- I cannot thank her enough.

_“I knew who I was this morning but I’ve changed a few times since then.”_

_-Lewis Carrol, Alice in Wonderland_

For some reason, Sayu had just assumed that she’d have more time.

She couldn’t really say why.

It was probably in the same vein as most things in childhood- time slips by and you can’t keep track of it.

Hell, it had been so long since she’d given any thought to it that she’d nearly forgotten. But she’d needed help with her homework, had gone to Light, only to find his door locked- and just like that, everything had come flooding back to her.

Light opened his door about the time that Sayu managed to gather the Earth back under her feet again, at least enough that she wouldn’t look like she’d seen a ghost. Or so she’d hoped.

“Did you need something?”

Funny, she couldn’t even tell anything was different about him.

“Can you help me with my homework? We started quadratic equations and I’m really lost,” she confessed, truthfully.

Was that even what she was supposed to say? She couldn’t remember, and in her momentary panic had just told the truth.

There, right there. If she hadn’t been looking, Sayu would have completely missed the way Light’s face had twitched. It was somewhere east the line of his mouth and south the flicker in his eyes. _Gotcha._

“Yeah, but I’ve still got studying to do, so-”

“I won’t stay long.” Sayu promised, “I know you’ve got stuff to do.”

His smile was indulgent, the same smile that he’d been giving her since they were kids.

It was his _I’ll play along, Sayu_, smile.

“Do you have everything?” Light asked, closing the door behind them. She held up her notebook and calculator obediently. “Sit, we’ll work this out.”

Sayu didn’t doubt him. Light had always gone out of his way to help her.

It was hard to sit there and try to focus on homework when she knew that the Shinigami Ryuk was somewhere in the room, probably mocking Light as they worked, and warning him about the rules of the Death Note.

So she did her best not to think about it, counting down the minutes until Dad got home, and then everything could be okay for awhile.

* * *

_When Sayu turned four she learned that Light probably understood her better than their mother._

_Their mom had had the idea to throw a huge surprise party for Sayu and invited all of her friends and their children, and the kids that Sayu played with at the park- Light had taken her to the park for a few hours and brought her home at noon, right on time. When they stepped inside they were greeted by several dozen people shouting “SURPRISE!” at the top of their lungs. _

_Sayu started crying._

_Light didn’t give Sachiko the chance to comfort Sayu or do anything beyond look horrified, instead he just scooped her up and stepped back outside, closing the door behind them. Closing, not slamming, because that would be rude._

_“What scared you Sayu?” He asked patiently, letting her cry._

_She appreciated that._

_“The-the noise.” Sayu hiccupped, already embarrassed. “Too loud.”_

_He nodded and let her calm down a little before he put his arm around her shoulders to pull her into a hug. “It wasn’t supposed to be that loud.” Light admitted, shyly. It wasn’t his fault, so he didn’t have to apologize._

_“I-I feel bad,” Sayu admitted, but she didn’t know how to tell him the rest._

_How do you explain guilt for stealing someone’s life?_

_Light misunderstood, but he got the gist of it, which was more than enough._

_“I know. But it’s okay. When you feel a little better we’ll go back inside and you can play with your friends.” He offered, and she wanted to be a little mad; dangling a toy in front of someone’s face wasn’t a way to forget your feelings. But he wouldn’t know that. _

_Sayu squeezed his hand and nodded._

_Eventually he led her back inside, and she apologized for being scared and thanked everyone for coming to the party, even if it wasn’t hers._

_There must have been 14 children her age, all running around excited and happy. There were toys and cake, and Sachiko organized games for them. Light was a little too old for that though, and instead was perched with the other moms, letting them coo over him and praise what a handsome little boy Sachiko had! And so smart!_

_Sayu, stuck in the middle of a bunch of screaming, snot nosed children who didn’t know how to tie their shoes yet, envied him._

“Sayu, if you’re going to ask me to help with your homework the least you could do is pay attention.” Light’s voice interrupted the memory of oversweetened cake and shrieking. Sayu was glad to stop thinking about it, even if the other options involved several pages of indecipherable math problems and graphs.

Well, it was more palatable, but that didn’t mean she was _actually _happy.

“Sorry, Light.” She said quietly, picking her pencil back up and focusing on the equation.

Where the hell had the 1 gone?

The sound of the front door opening signaling dad’s arrival gave her the excuse she needed to duck out for dinner without suspicion.

* * *

When their father got home and Sayu excused herself to go greet him, Light finally allowed himself to breathe a sigh of relief and risked an open glare at the lounging Shinigami.

“You didn’t think to tell me about the Death Note before now?” He accused.

The leer that Ryuk gave him made him prickle with anger. “I thought you’d figure it out on your own, smart guy. How else would _you_ see me?” And it stung that the clown was right. He should have realized. It was sloppy and dangerous, and he was lucky that Sayu wasn’t like most girls her age and kept out of his things.

He gathered up her homework and assorted belongings and left them in her room- the idea of Sayu going in to get them herself presented too much of a risk. So he was a patient big brother and left everything neatly on her desk before becoming the dutiful son and joining everyone downstairs for a family meal.

“Hey Dad, welcome home,” he said casually, watching as Soichiro took off his shoes and coat.

“Hello Light.”

It was nice having Dad home, having a quiet meal.

“How are your studies going Light?”

“Same as always.” He demurred, taking a bite of his rice. Sayu looked at him dryly before turning her attention back to their father.

“Light’s top of his class again.”

Soichiro’s lips curved into a tired smile. “That’s great, Light.”

Sayu gave him a small smile, before turning her attention back to her meal. Light noted the new grey in Soichiro’s hair and the bags pulling at his eyes and frowned. “Everything alright? You look tired, Dad.”

Soichiro took a moment to answer, brushing it off as a “difficult case I can’t talk about.”

Light smiled around the rim of his cup.

“I’m sure you’ll catch him.”

“Of course he will, Dad’s the best.” Sayu agreed immediately, and their mom laughed at her insistence.

Light ate the rest of his dinner and excused himself.

“You’re done already?” Sayu asked, frowning, “that was fast.”

“Well some people have homework to finish on their own.” He teased, but Sayu just rolled her eyes, even as their parents began to question her.

* * *

Even in bed, Sayu couldn’t let her nonchalant act drop.

She didn’t know where the Shinigami was, and she couldn’t risk him, or anyone, seeing anything and getting suspicious.

_Sayu is an extra character, a name and a face, that’s it_, she reminded herself, squeezing her eyes shut.

Her mind was in turmoil- a million thoughts and memories whirling around and rattling.

Could she risk touching the Death Note? On the off chance she could get her hands on it, she’d be able to keep half an eye out for Ryuk, wouldn’t she? Then she’d be able to give herself some peace of mind. She knew, at least in theory, what Light was going to do now- with the new knowledge of the book’s vulnerability, her brother couldn’t risk just carrying the notebook around with him anymore.

_That stupid drawer trap_, she remembered. But that wouldn’t work.

Chaos theory- water droplets won’t and can’t fall the same way. Light might change up the booby trap and Sayu could wind up hurt. The house could burn down. He might kill her.

Besides, Sayu didn’t have enough faith in her ability to act to say with certain confidence that if the grinning Shinigami drifted into the room she wouldn’t jump out of her skin. No, better not to know.

_You aren’t being watched all the time but you might be being watched at any time_.

No, no that was really stupid- Ryuk wanted entertainment and the show was with Light, not Sayu Yagami.

She turned over on her side and closed her eyes, the whirlwind slowing into an insistent buzz instead.

She thought about numbers instead.

Did a person’s life span change? If Sayu went downstairs and gorged herself on chips, would the numbers above her head begin to tick down? Surely no one’s fate was completely set in stone that extra meals and bad habits would be accounted for. It was both terrifying and comforting to think about, a predetermined fate.

Except Sayu knew better than anyone what kind of bullshit fate was.


	2. Chapter 2

_The world will not be destroyed by those who do evil, but by those who watch them without doing anything._

_-Albert Einstein_

It was only after the Kira fan sites began to pop up all over the internet that the news caught on to what the rest of the world already knew; or at least went public with that knowledge.

Kira was killing criminals.

It was all anyone could talk about.

Sayu sat on the couch flipping back and forth between mocumentaries and talk shows and news specials, trying to gather just what the public thought of it all. The internet had been divided, she was proud to say- plenty of fan sites, but also plenty of people arguing against the ethics of killing criminals.

But more than that, there were theories.

Sayu had been up most of the night combing through every conspiracy website and post with a pen and notebook of her own, trying to find any sort of coded message or clue.

_Maybe I’m not alone, maybe someone else knows_.

But between mass global coverups, viruses being tested in prisons, accusations of outright lying by the media, there was no mention of notebooks, Death Notes or otherwise, Shinigami, or red hands. Nothing that said _I woke up here too, find me._

So Sayu was alone.

And the longer she stayed awake, the deeper she dug, the less lucid the posts became and the more her surmounting panic grew.

** KiraTalksToMe: _listen im telling u guys that this is all aliens ok? There’s a reason that no one can answer how it’s happening, it’s because of these lasers that they’ve got- now there are records of washington got help from little green men so what if he nvr paid thm back and so now their killing criminals?_**

** _ Sssmnkin: That’s the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard._ **

** _(-n-)_ **

** _ KKb4: I bet you that L is Kira and he’s just using this as a cover._ **

** _ MayuMoon: Oh, so you think L exists? _ **

** _ KKb4: Who else would be Kira?_ **

** _ Yvonlea: Um, the gvmnt?_ **

She pulled her knees to her chest and watched as talk show hosts argued about rumors on the internet and complained about their own children falling for this new boogeyman with a frown.

The boogeyman’s only a bogeyman until you prove he’s real. And Sayu _could _prove that Kira was real. She knew how to lure Ryuk out, could probably even get her father to listen to her if she really put her mind to it. Kira was in her house, right now he was probably in the middle of cleansing the masses again.

There were a lot of things that Sayu could do-

She could tip off the police.

Tell their father.

Burn the Death Note.

Confront Light.

Evil was inaction, she remembered, mouth set in a grim line. The real Sayu hadn’t known or suspected Light Yagami of being Kira, had been unable to do anything, and was a true innocent. But she wasn’t the real Sayu- she knew what would happen. If she let Light continue, it was as good as writing the names herself.

_ “I think this is just a fad,” _one of the hosts was reiterating, _“some sort of online rumor or chain letter that got started.”_

_“Have you seen some of the websites?” _The other complained, _“it’s sick- I had no idea that there were so many people so unhinged!”_

Maybe she was overthinking this.

She might not be able to change anything.

_“Some of them even submit pictures!”_

Stuff was meant to happen.

Light still found the Death Note, because that was how the story went.

He would fight L, because that was how the story went.

Fatalism had never been comforting, but right now it was better than accepting her own inaction.

_“Folks, that’s a total violation of privacy, you shouldn’t do that-”_

The channel changed, and Sayu turned to see Light with the remote and an unamused expression.

“You really shouldn’t be watching trash like that Sayu. It’ll rot your brain.” He scolded gently, dropping the remote next to her on his way by.

“As if- besides, Kira’s all anyone can talk about right now. A proper investigator _investigates_,” she teased, ignoring the hammering of her heart. Light gave no signal, just continued his way up the stairs.

* * *

Kira had changed his MO.

L looked over the data, the sound of the detectives arguing turned down as he went over the readouts.

The moment he’d said “Kira is a student”, suddenly the time of death had changed. No, not only changed, they’d become easy to measure- 1 every hour for the last two days. Hard to miss the suggestion.

_Kira can’t be a student, not when criminals are dying every hour of the day._

No, that wasn’t it.

Kira

How childlike.

_“I can kill at any time, and you can’t stop me.”_

More than that though.

_Kira is somehow tied to the investigation._

* * *

“I won’t be walking home with you today,” Light said that morning, “don’t wait for me.” It’s not that far out of the ordinary for him. Between studying and his cram school prep, Light can’t walk Sayu home as often anymore. It had worried Sachiko, but Sayu was fine with it- now she could stop for tea if she wanted, or buy a new comic, without having to listen to Light get on her case about spending money. Or insisting on paying for it himself.

Algebra was Sayu’s second to last period of the day- she hated the time slot, and her mother hated that time slot, because by the end of the day Sayu had checked out and struggling to pay attention. This year Sayu hit the wall, ‘burned out’ Sachiko had whispered to Soichiro one night earlier in the year, and her grades were dropping. No matter how she struggled, things weren’t improving.

It left her teacher visibly unsure.

He’d taught Light before, he’d seen her academic record- he’d expected another Yagami prodigy.

Instead he had to try and coach Sayu, who was uninterested and lost on the subject. She gave him kudos for trying, though.

“Hey Sayu, what did you think of the homework?” Yuki asked between class periods, returning Sayu to the real world.

“It was hard,” she said after a moment. It would have been impossible if Light hadn’t walked her through it at the beginning of the unit.

“I know, right?” Yuki sighed as she packed her pencil case. “It’s like they want us to fail!” She waited for a comment, but Sayu just watched her silently. “I mean, it’s not like all of us have extra help…” _Oh, that’s what this is._ “So me and some of the girls were wondering, do you think that we could come to your house to study tonight?”

Some of the girls…who did Yuki hang out with? Sayu wasn’t entirely sure. It didn’t really matter, they were sure to be annoying, giggly, and if not up in her personal and private space, in Light’s. That was entirely too hazardous.

“Sorry, Yuki, but it’s not a good time for that.” Sayu smiled politely in the face of the pretty scowl now aimed her way.

“Are you sure? I mean, everyone’s noticed how your class placement dropped. It seems to me that you could definitely use some help studying.” Yuki pointed out but she didn’t bother to try and be sweet this time. That was fine. Sayu was more amused by her thinking that was threatening.

“Thanks for worrying about me, Yuki, but I’ll be fine. I actually need to go to my gym class now. It was nice talking with you!” Sayu made her escape without looking back.

No, more people in the house would be a terrible idea, she decided in the locker room. Anything could happen.

* * *

When Sayu had first given Light the soldering kit she’d been 9 years old and it had been Christmas. Light had smiled awkwardly and said “thank you”, but Sayu had frowned at the ‘mask’ and said, crossing her arms, “you get bored with puzzles and stuff- you need a hobby to do with your hands.” It had been…a novel idea. And she was right. Light had used it on and off since then- to repair things, to experiment or to build- he’d made several shortwave radios with it.

But now, Light felt, all that practice had been good for something as he slid the drawer, notebook and false bottom into place, he felt that same satisfaction with himself as he did whenever he saw a project to completion.

He’d been lucky to get the house to himself that afternoon, or the smell of plastic and melted metal might have tipped his family off that he was up to something. It surely would have brought his mother up to investigate and make sure he was alright- the soldering kit had worried her since it’s introduction, and she’d never quit believed in it’s safety.

“There, now I don’t need to worry about anyone stumbling onto the Death Note accidentally,” he exclaimed to Ryuk, pulling away from the desk.

The Shinigami frowns and examines the key in the lock, points it out with indignation.

“But that’s what people expect to find- just a journal in a drawer, no one would go fishing deeper,” he continued, “but if they did…” he took out the ink cartridge, slipped it into place under the drawer and popped the bottom back up. “There’s a current of electricity, the plastic cartridge acts as the insulator, but without it, the drawer will ignite.”

“I get it,” Ryuk admitted, grinning, “you’re playing with fire.”

It wasn’t his preferred way of thinking about it, but he had a point.


	3. Chapter 3

_Maybe like dogs we know when we are being hunted._

_― Garth Risk Hallberg, City on Fire_

Maybe she shouldn’t have expected the teenage girls to be better than their age group would have suggested.

Sayu kept her eyes on the desk and waited for Tsubasa-sensei to get on with it and tell her why she was being held after class. The man liked to take his time, something that really grated on her nerves, mostly because she got the feeling it was supposed to intimidate his students. Other than that, though, he was an okay teacher- he genuinely did want his students to succeed.

He was just unsure of what to do with her.

Tsubasa had taught Light; he’d nurtured his genius, in his opinion, had helped a prodigy grow. When he’d heard about Sayu attending, being in his class, he’d reached out to Sachiko personally, “I’m excited to have your daughter in my class, Mrs. Yagami.” Sachiko had been pleased as punch.

“Hello Sayu,” Tsubasa said pleasantly, stepping up to her. Sayu blinked up at him, tried to assemble a smile and failed.

“Hi sensei.”

“I’m sorry to hold you after class, but I had some concerns that I wanted to address with you,” he admitted. He didn’t take a seat, which was fine, he’d have looked ridiculous. Instead he leaned against the desk next to hers gently. “Several of your classmates have accused you of cheating.” He explained delicately.

“Cheating?” Sayu repeated numbly.

“Mm,” he nodded, “specifically, they claim that your brother is doing your homework for you.”

Sayu resisted the urge to bang her head on the desk. Really, they couldn’t come up with anything besides a cheating accusation? Although, she reflected, if it stuck, which it shouldn’t because she wasn’t cheating, it _would _do a lot of damage.

“Light isn’t doing my homework.” She said flatly. “He helps me study sometimes, that’s all.”

_Would I barely be treading C’s if he was doing my work for me? _She wanted to demand.

“Well that’s good,” Tsubasa said kindly, almost delicately. “It’s always encouraging to have help when you struggle.”

_If Light weren’t helping me, _Sayu wanted to shout, _I’d be failing this class totally._

“I’m going to be honest with you, Miss Yagami, I don’t think that you’re cheating.” Good. “But I do have to talk to you about it, and investigate a little. I think that if you were cheating, you’d be doing better- instead I do see effort and improvement, but not the miraculous kind that would make me suspicious. Do you understand?”

“Perfectly.” She just wanted to leave.

“But I am concerned. Why would your classmates suspect academic dishonesty?”

_Have you ever been a teenager?_

“I don’t know sir.”

“Well, I won’t keep you. Have a good day, Miss Yagami.”

“You too, sensei.”

Sayu gathered her things and was nearly out the door when Tsubasa delivered the final blow; “I do have to contact your parents about the accusations though.”

* * *

Raye Penber had known that following the Kitamura and Yagami households would be a longshot. The chances of Kira being in either of those households, no matter what L might think, must have been slim to none.

But he was an FBI Agent, and he did his job thoroughly.

Naomi would have let him have it if she’d found out otherwise.

“If L thinks Kira is tied to the Task Force, he’s tied to the Task Force.” She’d said with forceful finality over dinner when he’d admitted his doubts. He’d kissed her and promised that he’d do his job right.

“I wouldn’t love you if you were the type to do anything less.” And he knew she was telling the truth, because Naomi didn’t do things by halves and she didn’t tell lies just to soothe your ego.

God, he loved her.

Strictly speaking, he wasn’t supposed to be in Japan with her. She wasn’t even supposed to know about the case since her resignation. But neither of them were good at strictly following the rules- he was going to Japan, he needed to meet her parents, they planned on moving over here as soon as this last case was over…why waste money when she could ‘coincidentally’ be visiting family at the same time?

The Kitamura household was clean, totally average, almost boring.

Kitamura himself was rarely home anymore, a fact evidenced by his wife’s affair with a neighbor. Their daughter experimented with cigarettes and boys. Kitamura came home to a happy, contented house and everyone seemed to be on good terms with each other. None of them were very observant, and following them was an easy sort of routine with minimal effort.

The Yagami household promised to be a little more annoying, only because there was an extra member of the family. Dividing his observations between the four of them would be tricky, but not impossible, and he had to admit that on first appearance he suspected they’d be just as clean as the Kitamura’s.

For now he kept a low profile and followed Light Yagami home from his cram school lesson, trying to keep back far enough that he wouldn’t draw attention and close enough not to lose sight of the boy.

When he stopped momentarily on the empty street between the streetlights perhaps a block from home, Raye thought perhaps he’d heard an errant footstep, or even seen a shadow, and ducked around a wall to hide from suspicious eyes. But the teen continued home half a second later- Raye counted to 30 before following again.

Perhaps he’d thought of something he’d forgotten.

* * *

Honestly the idea of a Shinigami being spooked by an extra set of eyes on them was almost laughable, and only added to Light’s low opinion of Ryuk. The warning was appreciated though, considering that he might not have known about it until it was too late.

It was a test of Light’s patience and acting to walk home and give no sign that he knew about his tail.

His mother was in the kitchen waiting for him and came out to say ‘welcome home’ and let him know she’d saved a plate from dinner for him, which was nice but expected.

“Where’s Sayu?” He asked off handedly after pleasantries were exchanged.

Mom smiled and wiped her hands on a dishtowel, “Sayu’s in her room studying- there’s an extra credit assignment that she wanted to sort out.”

Light understood her relief, although he couldn’t help but feel a stab of irritation that she hadn’t come out to say hello. “I guess I should follow her example then.” He’d forgo dinner- he had a conversation to have with a certain Shinigami.

It was second nature by now to lock his bedroom door behind him.

There was no way to peer out his window without seeming suspicious, but he could be less so and accordingly turned on a lamp; anyone could look out his window, but it would be strange to do so in the dark. It’s not like he was _hiding_ something, after all.

He was out there of course, hardly hiding. Light might have missed him, but he was still so _obvious_. How could he be?

This was who L sent to find Kira? Ridiculous.

Ryuk snickered behind him, casting an invisible shadow over Light. “Tough spot you’re in, Light.”

Light retreated from the window and turned to look at him. “I’m gonna let you in on a secret, Light- the difference between a Shinigami and a human.”

Light sat down at his desk and nearly immediately drew back again when Ryuk got in his face; being near the Shinigami was disconcerting in many ways. Despite being there, being _real_, something about him defied reality. Every instinct in Light would scream _wrong_, and rebel at the sight of him- he supposed he was lucky that Ryuk had never had the desire to touch him, because then he couldn’t play off the unease.

“There’s two things that make us different. Do you know why a Shinigami writes a human’s name in their notebook?” One clawed finger tapped at the book on his hip.

“Of course I don’t,” Light spat, irritated.

Ryuk’s grin widened. “It’s because _we _are able to take the lifespan we cut short.”

_What? _“You…take the lifespan?”

“If you have a human who’s meant to live to be 80, but I write his name when he’s 20, I get 60 years. But if you write his name, you get nothing, and those years just disappear. That’s the most fundamental difference between Light, the human, and Ryuk, the Shinigami.”

Dread snapped at Light’s chest. Was this a threat? Ryuk never volunteered information about the Shinigami, never answered questions. “What’s your point?” Besides, he reflected, no one wants to be reminded of their mortality.”

“There’s a second difference, though, and I think you might be more interested in that. It’s got to do with cutting life short, though, not adding to it.” _And that was supposed to be about adding life? _“A Shinigami will never need to ask a human for their name Light, or their lifespan-_because we can already see them.”_

Ryuk’s eyes glinted as he explained the deal, and Light’s palms sweated.

Half a life and he can make the fight that much more easy.

Half of _his _life.

Light cracks a smile and leans back, “This deal is out of the question.”

Ryuk frowned and cocked his head.

“I plan to rule as God for a very long time- cutting my life short does no good.”

Light turned back to his desk and took a deep breath. He had some work to do.

* * *

Sachiko stared down at her daughter’s shamefaced expression and then turned her attention to the damage spread out on the kitchen table. Damp and falling apart textbooks with curling pages, mushy paper, dissolved homework- the backpack was still damp in places, but by now mostly dry.

Bullying, she remembered, was something that most hildren went through at one point or another. It was an unfortunate part of childhood. Light had managed to avoid this milestone; he was too brilliant, too beautiful, too perfect to be touched by something so ugly. She’d thought perhaps Sayu would be the same.

But this school year had been rough on Sayu- her grades were dropping, though they’d finally managed to plateau at a steady C, and she’d been withdrawing. Then came the call about an investigation into her academic integrity- a call that had stopped Sachiko’s heart short until the teacher on the other end assured her it was only protocol and he “knew he’d find nothing. It’s all paperwork, you understand Mrs. Yagami.” And she had said yes through a mouth full of gravel and immediately sat Sayu down.

“It’s nothing.” Sayu had insisted. “Just a prank that they thought was funny.”

Who were they?

Sachiko had originally suspected depression.

Now she wondered if this was to blame.

“I don’t understand why you wouldn’t tell me about this,” she approached gently. “You don’t have to hide this, Sayu.”

“It’s nothing, Mom. Just some rude…girls. Nothing to get upset about.” Sayu protested, but Sachiko didn’t believe it.

She didn’t understand.

_Sayu, what aren’t you telling me?_

“But why are they bullying you?” Sachiko asked, “How long has it gone on and why do I have to find out about this from your teacher because of an _incident report, _of all things?” She asked, crossing her arms.

Sayu looked away, gaze lingering on her ruined book. Sachiko vaguely recognized it as something Light had bought her for her last birthday.

It was too tense in the kitchen, she realized, like neither of them was daring to breathe. Sachiko forced herself to take a deep breath and sit down next to Sayu.

“They wanted to come over,” Sayu said, after a moment, staring down at her hands in her lap. “And I said no.”

“If they wanted to come over-”

“They implied that Light’s doing my homework, Mom. I didn’t want them here.” Sayu snarled, and Sachiko understood.

Sayu had been living in her brother’s shadow since Soichiro and she had had Light privately tested. Brilliant Light, who would go so far and impressed everyone. No matter how brilliant Sayu was, Light had always done it first, done it better, done it faster.

It should have been harder, Sachiko had thought privately. Sayu should have been angry, there should have been some kind of strain. But there never had been; Sayu had been content in Light’s shadow and Light had always kept a hand out for her to take. They’d always been close.

Here, she realized, was the strain. Not domestically, but socially.

Of course Sayu’s classmates, friends, would have heard about Light- from neighbors or older siblings who went to school with him, or even teachers. Of course it came back.

She must have been making a face, because Sayu’s expression smoothed into something calmer. “It’s not a big deal. They’ll get over it.”

_It’s not a big deal._

_I’m fine._

_It’s nothing._

Sachiko hated those words so much.

“You know you can come to me for anything, right?” Sachiko asked quietly, taking her hands. It startled her, but Sayu didn’t pull away. She’d been biting her nails again, Sachiko noticed. “I’m always here.”

Sayu smiled, but it looked strained.

“I know Mom. I’ll be fine.”

And the moment was over.

Sayu sighed and pulled away, pushing the chair out to stand up, “I need to take care of these.”


	4. Chapter 4

_There is danger in everything that we do. _

_-Laura Huxley_

In retrospect, maybe staying up late to read more Kira forums had been a poor choice.

“Sayu,” she made a noise of discontent and shoved at the hand gently shaking her. It was Saturday, she just wanted to sleep in and pretend that the week hadn’t happened.

“Sayu.” Nothing existed but the cocoon of warm blankets.

“Sayu, wake up!” Damn it, Light.

“What?” She asked, finally peering up at him through her eyelashes. Light was dressed and immaculate as ever, despite it only being, she glanced at her bedside clock, 10 am. Well, maybe he had a point being ready so early. “Something wrong?”

Light smiled, “not at all. I have a surprise for you. Get up and get dressed.”

A surprise? Sayu thought back to smuggled cookies and stories after bedtime when they were little. “What kind of surprise?”

“The surprising kind. Now come on, we’re on a schedule- if you don’t get ready soon you won’t have time for breakfast.”

“But I have homework.” She protested as she sat up and rubbed her eyes. Light was halfway out the door, but he had the decency to answer, at least.

“Your homework can wait a day. I’ll even help.” He promised. Sayu waited until he had shut her bedroom door again before she finally climbed out of bed and went to work selecting an outfit.

She’d planned on vegging out today, probably in bed, but definitely in her pajamas. Light just liked to throw her plans off.

* * *

A little over an hour later Sayu was dressed, fed and bundled for the cold, and Light and she were walking down the street.

“Where are we going?” She asked again, shoving her hands in her pockets with a shiver. Why hadn’t she brought along gloves? Light hummed and hit the button for the crosswalk.

“I told you, it’s a surprise.”

Sayu huffed and kicked a pebble.

She wondered where he was taking them, and what the occasion was. Light had been keeping his schedule firmly anchored to his entrance exams and his…extracurricular activities, him changing up the beat like this was really out of character for him.

_Entrance exams…_ something needled in the back of her mind. Why was that important?

Well, duh, To-Oh was important, but right now…

Sayu jumped when Light took her hand.

“Time to cross.” He said gently, and she let him lead, like always.

_“Hold my hand, Sayu.” Light said firmly. Sayu played along like always._

_Light liked routine, and this was one of them._

_When he took her to the park, she had to hold his hand when they crossed the street._

_“Right, left, right.” He recited, and then led her across with the rest of the pedestrians._

“Right, left, right.” Sayu recited quietly, and Light went a little red.

“You remember that?”

“Light, you’ve been holding my hand to cross the street since I was 3.” She reminded patiently, and he sighed, but she saw the small smile tug at his lips.

“Hard to break the habit,” she thought she heard him mumble.

They walked in silence until they finally arrived at the stop and waited. Light kept checking his watch. Sayu felt a clench in her chest at the sight of it.

Dad had given Light that watch when he turned 17- he’d beamed when he’d unwrapped it. It was a nice gift- a gift for a young man.

_That’s the watch with the piece of the Death Note._ She realized, clenching her teeth.

The bus approached, and Sayu forced herself to calm down. It was a beautiful day, she didn’t have to study, she could get out from her mother’s nagging for a bit.

Nagging

She felt a bit guilty at that- Sachiko was worried sick about her, and only wanted to help. Sayu _wanted_ to be appreciative, she did, but really she couldn’t bring herself to care. Not about this. A bunch of bitchy teenage girls was the least of her problems, and it was offensive that _anyone_ thought she couldn’t deal with something like this.

The doors wheezed open and Sayu stepped up. Light paid for the both of them, his treat, he said, and Sayu got to pick the seats. There were only a few people on- an elderly couple and a couple of kids Light’s age, clearly on a date. They took a seat towards the back, and Sayu got the window.

She was nearly calm now, the prospect of a fun day with her <strike>serial killer</strike> brother a satisfying temptation to forgetting the truth.

Until an American with dark hair in a trench coat got on, taking the seat directly behind them.

_Raye Penber_, she remembered suddenly.

No

This was wrong

* * *

Light hadn’t meant to overhear. Really he hadn’t. He wasn’t in the habit of eavesdropping, but sometimes…sometimes things lined up perfectly.

He’d only gone downstairs to grab a bottle of water and stretch his legs but hearing Mom and Sayu talking…it would have been rude to interrupt. So, he’d waited- except it had taken awhile, and Light had overheard.

The idea of Sayu dealing with bullies was so foreign that Light had rejected the idea at first- there had to be something more to it.

But then she’d explained, and it had made a sickening amount of sense.

It was so frustrating though- Mom only wanted to help her, her teacher only wanted to help her, but Sayu, stubborn Sayu, wouldn’t ask, wouldn’t accept.

Originally, he’d planned on calling a classmate for his plan- it was a controlled environment, he’d run tests, no one would get hurt.

But Sayu, he felt, needed a wake-up call that the world was dangerous, and people were there to help her.

* * *

Light pressed a folded piece of paper into her hands, and for a brief moment Sayu thought that it was lined. Instead it was a freshly printed list of the new schedule at Spaceland, freshly printed from Light’s computer.

“Surprise,” he said cheerfully.

How can he be so happy? How?

“I forgot my wallet,” Sayu said, thinking quickly, “we can run home and-”

Light frowned, but it was too late and the bus was moving.

_Oh no oh no oh no_

“Relax, I’ll pay. It’s your surprise Sayu, what kind of treat would it be if I made you buy your own admission?” Light asked, perfectly reasonably. It was too late though, because the panic was setting in now, along with reality.

Sayu sat back in her seat and tried to remember to breathe. She could feel her pulse in her fingertips, it was so loud.

Why was she here?

This wasn’t part of the script- Light was supposed to take a girl from school to Spaceland as a cover, not his sister. But here she was. _So why?_

What had she done to change this event?

“What, um, what’s the occasion? You hate Spaceland.” Sayu teased, slightly surprised by how…casual she sounded. Had she always been such a good liar?

“But you don’t,” and here Light looked pained, “I, ah, heard. The other night, about school.” He admitted after a moment. Sayu didn’t get it at first, what had he heard?

_Oh_

“It isn’t a big deal. Mom’s just-”

“I know. But I thought maybe you’d want to get some air.” He cut her off. And Sayu wanted to relax because this is the Light she knows- the one that trusts her to handle things and understands her. But that wasn’t true- this is Kira, and Kira always has an ulterior motive; like taking his sister on a bus jacking.

_But why **take **his sister on a bus jacking?_

Sayu didn’t know.

She hated this so much.

From what she could remember, the bus ride was peaceful; Sayu felt anything but. The combined knowledge of what was happening, that eyes (Penber’s, Light’s, probably even Ryuk’s) were on her, and just…just this strange flipping of the script, left her uncertain and afraid, unable to enjoy the quiet morning.

It was such a shame too, she figured as the bus slowed for the next stop, the day had started out with so much potential.

* * *

The Yagami siblings were as normal as a couple of geniuses could be, Raye had noted.

He’d followed them; Light Yagami was a normal kid. High school, cram school, studying- he kept his nose to the grindstone and had the test scores to prove it. Sayu Yagami worked just as hard as Light- she didn’t go out anywhere, didn’t call anyone.

They were close, they must have been; there were no signs of sibling rivalry between them, no strain, not even run of the mill teasing. Then there was this morning’s outing, totally out of left field. But, he thought, leaning back, maybe not. They both worked hard, was it really so out of character to go out and blow off steam on a weekend?

_Chief Yagami’s son, Light Yagami, no cause for suspicion._ He’d written decisively in his notebook not 10 minutes ago.

The next passenger got on, took his time; something familiar about him.

Raye didn’t think much more about it, not until he pulled a gun.

_A bus jacking? Now? Damn…_

How the hell had he even gotten a gun, Raye wondered, only to recall with a sinking feeling in his chest who he was looking at. A drug addict, he’d tried to rob a bank the day before- 3 civilians were killed in the crossfire. Not good.

_If the gun’s loaded he won’t hesitate,_ Raye realized, he was already in too deep. _If _the gun was loaded, but it was safer to assume that it was.

There was a creaking noise in front of him as Sayu Yagami pressed herself firmly against the back of her seat and went low, out of sight. Making herself smaller, less of a target.

Raye leaned forward in time to see the note that Light was pressing into his sister’s shaking hands.

_Don’t worry, when he walks back here I’ll overwhelm him and get the gun. Just stay down, _written in clear, tidy script.

_Fuck_.

Nothing for it, Raye couldn’t risk this kid being stupid and getting himself or someone else on the bus hurt.

“Don’t be stupid,” he hissed quietly, under his breath. “If it comes down to it, I’ll handle it.” He assured, risking a glance at Sayu.

The girl was staring at both of them in horror and pale as a china doll in fear. But she wasn’t attracting attention to them and she wasn’t hurt. She could be comforted later.

Light frowned and turned back to his notebook, beginning to write another message probably. “We don’t have to pass notes. If we keep our voices down he won’t hear.” Raye assured.

“How do I know that you’re not an accomplice?” Light challenged, just as quietly. He didn’t turn to look at Raye, although Sayu did, her lips pressing into a thin line. “Why should we trust you?”

“What?” She asked.

“I’ve read about this before- one hijacker comes in like he’s working alone but the other stays in the back like a hostage to make sure everything goes smoothly.” Light explained.

Sayu shook her head a fraction. “Light that’s ridiculous.”

“No it’s not Sayu. How can we trust him? We need proof.” He hissed.

Before Sayu could argue Raye slipped his badge between the seats.

_If he was Kira this guy would already be dead._ Raye reasoned.

Light looked at it for a moment before handing it back.

“I’m not going to ask why the FBI is here in Japan. Do you have a gun?” At Raye’s assent, he added, “I suppose I can count on you when the time comes?”

“Yes.” _If it comes down to it._

The bus kept rolling, the junkie kept waving his gun around, frightening his hostages. Raye was tense as a coiled spring, watching his every move. This was a criminal wanted for murder already, he was dangerous.

Then Light was stopping over in the aisle.

“What’s that you little punk?! Passing notes back here, are you planning something?!” The hijacker demanded, storming over.

Raye realized with a start what had happened.

_If he sees that note from before-_

The hijacker read it, scowled and chucked it at Light. “Stupid kid.”

Sayu glanced at her brother, who shrugged. “The bus schedule,” he explained softly.

But Raye had no time to feel any relief from an averted tragedy because something spooked the hijacker.

“You! The guy in the back- what the hell are you doing?!” He shouted, and for an instant Raye thought that he’d suspected something after all, but then he kept ranting. Hallucinations.

“Everyone, get down!” Raye shouted as the screaming started. He didn’t have time to worry about it, not when the madman started firing the gun at thin air.

“Shinigami?” The hijacker whimpered, out of breath, stumbling back.

_What?_

“Pull over! Stop the bus right now!”

Before Raye could do more than stumble to his feet, the criminal was bolting out of the doors, barely open.

And then they heard the sound of impact.


	5. Chapter 5

_ “Men go to far greater lengths to avoid what they fear than to obtain what they desire.”_

_– Dan Brown_

The sound of Kiichiro Osoreda’s death followed Sayu into sleep for weeks after the bus jacking.

She hadn’t seen it, hadn’t needed too. The moment he’d begun to hallucinate, as the police report said, Light had shielded her. She’d heard the sound of the car slamming into him though; it had seemed so unnaturally loud, and his blood inhumanly red.

Mother had come to pick them up once the department had called to report the incident, and Sayu and Light had spent the next several days having to endure being babied by their mother, and even receiving frequent check ins from Soichiro.

It made Sayu feel that much more guilty.

Every time she closed her eyes she heard the sound of Osoreda screaming, or saw Raye Penber fleeing the scene, straight into death. Sometimes the wires would get crossed, and he’d be hit by a car, or Osoreda was slammed into by a train.

Both of them died, and will die, alone and scared.

These nightmares were unfortunate, but hardly unsurprising. She’d been prepared for them, at least. Sayu wasn’t surprised to find herself awake in front of her door, nauseous, her heart thundering and flesh broken out in a cold sweat.

Dark bags took root beneath her eyes, and she got back into the habit of exhausting herself before going to bed again, to lesson the chances of a nightmare. It didn’t help. Only time would put space between this tragedy and it’s effects on her.

Christmas in the Yagami house passed peacefully and quietly with a light snow. Dad came home even, and everyone spent a few days together before the real world crept in again with insidious fingers.

Dad went back to work.

Light left the house in his tracksuit to kill Raye Penber.

Sayu sunk back into her research into the Kira forums.

Things were really gearing up online with the announcement of the dead FBI agents.

People were becoming more and more convinced of their actually being something supernatural about Kira.

That didn’t make the government conspiracy posts any less funny, though.

* * *

During her break, Sayu tried to make it a point to stay out of her room and spend time with her mother. It kept her away from the temptation of joining the chatrooms and the fansites and screaming into the void of the internet **“LIGHT YAGAMI IS KIRA IS ANYONE OUT THERE!!!” **

She baked bread and cakes and even dabbled in candy, without much success. By the time midafternoon rolled around she had switched gears and was watching some Hideki Ryuga drama on television. He wasn’t a terrible actor; he was actually pretty good- his scripts just sucked. But Sayu doubted that teenage girls noticed that when Ryuga was as sparkly as he was.

“Sayu dear, can you do me a favor?” Sachiko called. Sayu took a moment to sit up and stretch before agreeing. Sachiko emerged with a bag, and Sayu’s heart sank. “I need you to take these to your father.”

“Today?” She asked weakly, before she could stop herself.

Sachiko looked unimpressed. “Yes, today. He needs a new change of clothes.”

“I could take them.”

Sayu didn’t look at Light, didn’t want to show him her face. He’d know, he’d see it like writing in a book, highlighted and notated.

_Today is the day you kill Naomi Misora._ Sayu thought, watching through tunneled eyes as Sachiko and Light bantered gently.

_I could stop it_.

It would be so easy.

_“No thanks, Light, I need the exercise.” _She could say, and bundle up and walk to the station. She might meet the legend herself. But probably not.

Naomi Misora was fated to die today.

So much of the story would come unwound if she didn’t; L would eventually figure out the information she had for him, but if he found out too early…Sayu shuddered. Would she be in danger?

Light would lose, but Sayu was guaranteed to survive, wasn’t she?

If she just stuck to the script she’d be fine.

_But the bus jacking. You didn’t do anything and you still wound up in the middle of that, didn’t you? Don’t be naïve, you can stop this now, before more people have to die-_

But Sayu was a coward.

She grinned at Light and tasted iron. “Thanks Light, I owe you one.”

It was the longest few minutes of her life as Light got ready to go. Why couldn’t he just leave? Why did he have to get ready? Why did he have to make her second guess herself?

She watched him go and turned back to the television, but her throat felt tight.

When Sachiko disappeared into the kitchen again and Sayu was alone, she _felt_ alone.

* * *

It began to snow, and the fear and despair consolidated into a stone so heavy and large that it left Sayu breathless on the couch. The sad music to some movie played, and Sayu clutched a pillow and cried.

Naomi Misora was dead because Sayu was afraid.

That was all there was to it.

* * *

Light’s walk home was peaceful and victorious. One threat handled; all was well.

The sight of her eyes glazing over…. he’d never imagined that it would be so noticeable. It should have disturbed him, but all it gave Light was the certainty that the situation was in hand. Her voice too, had sounded so defeated. If she spoke to anyone on her way to her end there would be no doubt that suicide was in the cards for her, he thought triumphantly.

He breezed back into the house on a winter wind and hung up his coat, toed off his shoes.

“Welcome home, dear!” Sachiko called from the kitchen. “Did you see your father?”

“No, he wasn’t available to talk. I left the clothes at the front desk and a voicemail on his phone.” He promised cheerfully.

Light slipped into the kitchen to take several apples upstairs before Ryuk resorted to desperate measures to get his fix.

The living room was empty, the television turned off. The couch had been straightened up neatly. _She must be upstairs,_ Light thought as he passed through again.

As always when he wanted to listen Light made his way upstairs slowly, and with an ear out for anything amiss. Sayu’s door was closed neatly and with finality, but as he walked by, Light heard the undeniable sound of crying, stopping him cold.

Tentatively he knocked on the door, dismay filling him at the sudden silence.

“Yeah?” Sayu called through the door.

“Are you alright?” Light asked, turning the knob. It held fast, locked. Damn.

There was a pause. “No.”

Light sighed. “Do you…need to talk about it?”

“Just a sad movie, Light.” She promised, so quietly he almost didn’t hear. He could see her in his mind’s eye, lying on her bed, staring at the door, waiting for him to leave. It hurt.

“If you need me, I’m here.” He promised.

“I know.”

Light tried not to think about how defeated she sounded.


	6. Chapter 6

_“Weather forecast for tonight: dark.”_

_George Carlin_

“Sayu dear, what’s that playing on the television?” Sachiko asked as the text crawled across the Hideki Ryuga movie. Sayu looked up from her dinner obediently and squinted.

“A message from…ICPO.” She frowned. “In response to the Kira murders, fifteen hundred investigators have been sent to Japan in response to the deaths of the FBI agents during the Kira investigation.”

Light knew what this was, and had to bite back the urge to smile. Really? Is this what the great and powerful L thought would trip him up?

“That’s dumb.” Sayu said, breaking his train of thought. Light watched as she picked at her dinner with a low scowl.

“What?”

“Just…announcing it like that. Either they’ve blown the operation because they’re too arrogant, or they’re bluffing to try and spook Kira.”

Light’s smile became that much closer to stretching across his face. Trust Sayu to see through the smokescreen too.

_What do you think of that, L?_

Sayu gasped suddenly, going pale, and Light raised an eyebrow. What was wrong?

“Sayu?” Their mother asked, “Is everything alright?”

“Um, yeah- I just, I thought I forgot my biology textbook at school, I need it for tonight,” she assured with a nervous smile. Light didn’t say anything, but it worried him.

She hadn’t been sleeping well- he’d heard her crying out in the night, but she never talked about it.

The bus jacking, he figured.

Light was hopeful that she’d learned her lesson, but that was yet to be seen.

Dinner was slow and methodical after that, relaxing. It was nice to be around his mother and sister- he wondered what L made of the perfect picture.

Sayu was gathering the dishes when Light went to retrieve his chips. He’d taken care to buy the kind she didn’t like and to keep it in the back, where it wouldn’t be stumbled upon- the mini LCD TV added a suspicious weight to it, and Sayu…Sayu would be clever enough to notice it and innocent enough to voice it.

“You’re gonna eat chips right after dinner?” She asked instead.

Light rolled his eyes and made a cup of tea. “It’s a snack for later Sayu, so I don’t wake anyone up if I get hungry.”

Sayu flicked some dish soap at him, and Light side stepped it.

He went up to his room without expression and locked the door behind him.

Let the show begin.

* * *

L and Chief Yagami had watched Light study for 4 hours without interruption; by all means, he had a quiet evening- he ate his chips, drank his tea and worked through the evening without breaks or distraction. The perfect student.

It made no sense.

In the rest of the house, Mrs. Yagami and the daughter, Sayu, Chief Yagami had supplied quietly, first cleaned up after dinner and then spent some time together watching a movie. After an hour or so Sayu excused herself to go study.

By midnight the occupants of the house were in bed and asleep.

L switched from camera to camera, watching them all pensively.

In Sayu’s room there was movement.

* * *

_Walking, walking, she was walking._

_“Sayu Yagami, commits suicide in such a way that her body will never be found again,” a voice whispers in her ear; a familiar voice._

** _“Sayu c’mon!” _ **

_The gallows approach, haloed in soft light as blood rains down gently as snowflakes._

* * *

Light’s body was moving before he registered hearing the telltale creak on the stairs.

_Damn it!_

This couldn’t have come at a worse time.

He was peripherally aware of Ryuk following as Light bounded down the stairs, two at a time, it was the last thing on his mind; between knowing that L and Father would be watching, and the fact that Sayu could move surprisingly fast in this state didn’t give him a lot of wiggle room.

Light didn’t stop to consider that he’d made it in time, just kept moving as she robotically unlocked the door.

Her eyes were open this time.

* * *

_Step, crunch_

_Step, crunch_

_Overhead was the noose, a pendulum in the darkness._

“Sayu!”

* * *

“Does your daughter often sleepwalk?” L asked, watching as, on screen, Light jolted Sayu from her course of action.

The image was fuzzier than he might have liked, but clear enough, and the audio was fine. Besides, there were some things that couldn’t be missed-

Like a 13-year-old girl bursting into tears upon waking up and getting a look at her older brother.

* * *

There was no hesitation from Light when he pulled her into a gentle hug there in the hallway.

Sayu didn’t have it in her to resist either, not when she felt so unbalanced and lost- Light was always good at settling that, after he’d woken her up.

“I’m sorry,” were the only words she could manage between sobs for awhile, “I’m sorry.”

“Hey,” he said quietly, “hey, it’s okay. Not your fault.” Sayu swallowed and finally pulled away to rub at her eyes. Her insides still felt shaky and weak, but Light’s gentle hand on her back was surprisingly grounding.

“Can you walk?” He asked, once she’d calmed down a bit. She wasn’t hyperventilating, which was good, but he could see the way her knees were shaking.

“Yeah.”

Sayu finally dared to look up at Light; should she be surprised to see the same brother that had always been there? But the familiarity of it all, between him leading her back upstairs and her own fatigue, lulled her back into a security as firm as a heated blanket. Light’s hand was on her back as he guided her, warm and solid, and Sayu gratefully fell into step with him.

“Can…can I stay with you for a bit?” She asked softly, so as not to wake their mother.

“Of course.” He promised her gently, guiding her into his room.

In the dark, Light’s room was just as intimidating and sterile as it was in the sun, and Sayu clutched desperately at his hand. The ghost of a noose was still behind her eyes, and she felt like she was going to be sick if she didn’t lie down.

“Almost there,” he promised, helping her out to the balcony.

For a minute, she stood out there in the cold winter air shivering, but Light returned with several blankets stored in his closet for this purpose, and she wrapped herself up gratefully.

He’d even brought the telescope.

* * *

“I didn’t realize that she still sleepwalks.” Chief Yagami said quietly. The siblings were in the camera’s blind spot out on the balcony, but L could just make out a shoulder.

He watched the fuzzy footage.

“This behavior is common for your daughter?”

The signs pointed to it; Light Yagami’s familiarity with waking her, his rapid response, and even Sayu’s acceptance of the situation.

Chief Yagami nodded and brought a hand up to rub at his eyes. “It’s been occurring since Sayu was 4 years old. The last incident that my wife and I was aware of, Sayu must have been…11? 12 I think.” He shook his head. “They’re stress related, the doctors think- she used to have them around test times, or when I was under additional stress at work.”

Since childhood? And with such frequency? Hm…

“Has your daughter been sexually assaulted?”

Chief Yagami stood up so fast that he knocked his chair over. L noted that his hands were in fists as he glowered at him.

“Ryuzaki, I understand that for this investigation I must be honest, and that my family has no privacy, but you must understand that questions of that nature are not to be asked without reason-”

“Chief Yagami,” he interrupted calmly, “studies have shown that recurrent sleepwalking since childhood has a higher probability of sexual abuse in the subject’s background. I understand that all of this is difficult,” he stirred his coffee, “but you must set aside your personal feelings in the matter and answer my question. Has your daughter been sexually abused, to your knowledge?”

Soichiro Yagami was her father- of course he’d be defensive. But he didn’t claim his own innocence, which was telling.

“No.” Chief Yagami said, after a moment, the tension…releasing, but not dissipating. “Not to our knowledge. Sayu’s never…shown any symptoms either. No bedwetting, no…flinching, no overtly sexual behavior.”

“A long standing sleeping disorder?” L mused, biting at his nail.

“The doctor was hesitant to give her a diagnosis. It was never…frequent enough to be traced beyond stress. Even then, there wasn’t a common pattern. We just learned to be more careful, and eventually she stopped,” he glanced at the monitors again guiltily. “Or so we thought.”

So the Yagami children kept secrets from their parents.

To be expected, they were old enough. But this sort of thing was more than just covering for a broken curfew.

* * *

Sayu’s fascination with the stars began very simply.

She’d been somewhere unfamiliar, with a new name and face, but the constellations had been the same. Or so she’d heard.

When they were young, Light had practiced his reading by reading aloud to her- he’d gotten bored of fairy tales quickly and instead began to tell her about the constellations in the sky. She’d never seen them, but the stories were familiar. And when she’d asked him to draw them for her, she’d recognized them.

It’s amazing how one familiar thing in a foreign place can bring you such comfort.

When she was little, Light gifted her with a telescope for her birthday. On weekend nights, or nights when bad dreams and ugly futures crawled too close for her comfort, she and Light was stay out on the balcony, trying to find constellations in the sky. Sometimes they got lucky, sometimes not.

Tonight was a lucky one. Like the barest pinpricks, light crept through, and it was enough to calm her.

* * *

“When was her first incident?”

“Her fourth birthday.” Chief Yagami made a thoughtful noise. “A neighbor brought her back to us- she’d gotten nearly a block away, and was talking with a stranger. She had no memory of the incident.”

“And your son’s fast response?” L mused, dropping sugar into the newest cup of coffee.

“That first time really scared him. We hadn’t noticed she was gone, and Sayu’s room is right next to his. He was convinced he should have heard, or seen.” Chief Yagami supposed.

Clearly, L thought, this was something that happened regularly enough to give him an instinct for it.

Tonight’s results were inconclusive.


	7. Chapter 7

_“I over analyze situations because Im scared of what may happen if I'm not prepared for it.”_

_― Turcois Ominek_

Chief Yagami was a professional, yes, and a man dedicated to his job and the investigations, but he was only a man. Not long after Light Yagami carried Sayu Yagami to her room and tucked her in, Chief Yagami had also fallen asleep. The man was exhausted, dozing with his arms crossed and his neck bent at such an angle that there was no doubt in L’s mind would result in a pain when he finally woke.

Sachiko Yagami woke her children and gathered the family’s trash as the household stirred to wakefulness and got ready for their day. On the other side of the monitor, Watari served his breakfast crepes smothered in jam, syrup and strawberries silently, and L didn’t voice any observations out of courtesy and concentration for the security feed.

L’s suspicion that something in the Yagami house wasn’t right was only growing.

On one hand there was Light Yagami- nationally recognized genius, by all means a well-adjusted teenage boy with a close bond to his little sister. Light Yagami had access to the NPA’s information. Raye Penber was tailing the boy before the agent’s murder. And to top it off, Light had the intellect to pull off something of this scale.

But how would he do it? How could he do it?

Light Yagami had displayed no suspicious behavior on camera.

He’d had no suspicious behavior when he’d been followed.

On the other hand, there was Sayu Yagami. Sayu Yagami was a burnt-out genius struggling with anxiety, mounting schoolwork and sky-high expectations. She regularly visited Kira fan sites (although she never commented and often looked disturbed and upset). She was socially maladjusted and had no close friends.

L reflected that, perhaps, the only person more suspicious on surveillance was a serial killer he’d caught some years ago who’d been dropping LSD at the time.

After finishing his morning skincare routine, Light Yagami knocked on Sayu’s door, a signal that the girl clearly understood, given that she gathered her uniform and shower things before retreating into the bathroom.

L was not unfamiliar with watching intimate and private actions in the interest of an investigation. He was aware that what he was doing was reprehensible by law, but it was also necessary. He was prepared to witness that with Sayu Yagami as well.

But Sayu Yagami cleaned up in the bathroom and then actually changed into her school uniform in the shower.

That was not typical teenage behavior.

That was not typical behavior, period.

She was uncertain and flinching and hunched in on herself, as if expecting an attack.

At the breakfast table was really where the flinching behavior was most noticeable, where she was quiet and withdrawn, as opposed to her serenity the day before. Her hesitance brought Light Yagami’s attention to her, if his frequent side eye and persistent frown was any sign.

This couldn’t be normal behavior for her. Soichiro Yagami had confirmed that she didn’t behave like this, and Light Yagami’s worry meant this wasn’t normal after a sleepwalking episode.

What was she so afraid of?

Light Yagami bid his mother and sister good-bye and left for school, neatly removing himself from the camera’s range.

It didn’t take long before Sachiko Yagami began to speak.

_“Have you talked to your math instructor about retaking the test?”_

Sayu picked at the table. L wasn’t sure but the discoloration of pixels at her neck indicated that she was becoming embarrassed.

_“Yes. He said that I can retake it for a portion of the credit.” _

_“When?”_

_“Friday.”_

_“Well, do you have your notes? I can help you study.”_

_“I did study, Mother. I just don’t understand it.”_

_“Sayu, I understand that this is hard, but part of growing up is rising to the occasion. That means changing your study habits if you have to.” _Sayu sighed but said nothing. Sachiko Yagami touched her hand. _“When you come home today we’ll study while I make dinner. And after. You’ll do better this time, won’t you dear?”_

_“Yes, Mom.”_

* * *

That afternoon Light Yagami returned home and turned on the news as background noise while he studied. More criminal names were broadcasted, and they were dead in minutes. Thousands of people watched that program, and that was a modest estimation, given the region and the population.

Yagami stayed in his room and studied until dinner, then made conversation and returned to his books.

There was nothing incriminating, nothing to prove anything.

What was going on?

* * *

It’s frustrating when there is no evidence to back up your theory.

(To back up the truth)

And having to concede that he’s lost the battle, again and so soon, was something that L wasn’t accustomed to.

But after three days of surveillance, there’s nothing to gain from the observations. Light had an alibi for the first night, true, but he’d done nothing that pointed towards his guilt in the days since.

“We will remove the cameras.” He said, setting down the notes. The rest of the agents looked stupidly optimistic about the whole thing, but Chief Yagami just put his head in his hands and took a deep breath.


	8. Chapter 8

_Childhood is a short season. _

_-Helen Hayes_

Sayu’s hands hurt. It took everything that she had not to pick at them, either to get the dirt out or to strip away the skin. She subdued herself instead by holding the seat tighter and focusing on the pain as the car pulled into the driveway.

And still, Sachiko was talking.

“-help you if you don’t talk to me, Sayu!”

“I don’t need help-”

“You got into a fight at school.” Sachiko accused, frowning. Sayu tried not to think about how stressed out she was.

“It wasn’t a fight!” If it had been a ‘fight’ there would have been more than a meeting.

“Then what would you call it, Sayu?” Sachiko snapped. “You’re being bullied, you’re being harassed, now you’re fighting- I can help you, just let me!”

Sayu got out of the car, slammed the door and took off down the street. She needed air, needed to get away, no matter how her mother shouted for her to come back.

* * *

There was a corner store a few blocks away from the house. It had been one of the first places Sayu had been allowed to walk on her own as a child. Sayu found her feet had taken her there when she came back to herself.

The clerk didn’t look up when she came in- a high schooler Light’s age. It was nice, not having eyes on her right now, from any direction, to just be a normal girl.

Sayu wasn’t a normal girl though. She knew better then to throw temper tantrums and stomp off. She owed her mother an apology once she got home.

She picked up a magazine off the rack and ignored her hands.

* * *

_This was getting out of hand._

_The whispers that had begun when Yuki started her one-sided campaign against her had only grown louder as more people began to listen. Something Sayu had never expected. _

_The font that had been branded as ‘Kira’ was showing up everywhere. Her classmates were embroidering it, drawing it, plastering it everywhere. Everywhere she looked, she kept seeing Kira. There were bracelets and patches now, proclaiming the Kira Supporters. It stung, seeing this support for a murderer, and no one seemed to realize the depth of what they were doing. _

_With the buoy of support came more trouble for Sayu, namely because of her father’s work on the force._

_She was far from the only person with a cop parent, but she was the only one to refuse to take a side on the subject, isolating her from any allies._

_“Kira’s going to kill you,” said a note on her desk._

_Oh if only they knew._

_“Nonbeliever” said a wad of paper that hit her in the back of the head._

_“Dead girl walking,” people whispered in the halls._

_The irony was laughable._

_Tsubasa-sensei tried to stop all of it, all the teachers did. It wasn’t just about Sayu, it was about a terrorist and a serial killer that edgy teenagers were supporting to be cool. Calls were placed home, letters sent out, parents were contacted for conferences. But the perpetrators stood firm in their beliefs. Sayu suspected that their parents were also supporters, although she couldn’t confirm it._

_With entrance exams looming, Light had been absorbed in studying for them- Sayu enjoyed the walk home alone much more now, without having to play stupid or pretend that she knew nothing about his extracurricular activities. Sayu was free to take her time walking home- she could stop in where she wanted, breathe a little._

_As she entered the courtyard, Sayu was thinking about stopping at the convenience store near her house when she felt hands on her shoulders and a hard shove. Sayu struggled to catch her balance, but she landed wrong, throwing her hands out instinctively. The dull pain from her palms scraping against the sidewalk flared._

_Laughter broke out among the passing students and her papers and books scattered- for a moment anger overwhelmed her._

_Didn’t she have enough to deal with?_

_Couldn’t they just leave her alone?_

_“What is your fucking problem?” Came out of her mouth before she could stop herself as she glared up at Yuki. The girl had tried to retreat, but Sayu had turned her head to look too fast, had seen._

_Yuki stood her ground instead, trying to look intimidating._

_“Nobody wants you here!” She said instead, and by God she actually stomped her foot like some toddler._

_Sayu gritted her teeth and moved to gather her things as the vultures began to circle, hoping for drama to feast on._

_“Kira’s going to kill you for your insolence- you and your family!” _

_“Insolence huh? Nice vocabulary word. Can you spell it?” Sayu wondered, packing away her papers._

_A hall monitor and a teacher were on the scene in a moment, cutting off the disagreement, but as an incident had occurred…_

_“The office, both of you- I’m calling your parents.” The teacher said firmly, extending a hand to help Sayu off the ground._

* * *

Sachiko watched Sayu storm off with that same helpless feeling that seemed reserved only for her family. She knew what she should do; she should go after her, demand an explanation, or at least her return home so that they could talk. But talking had done nothing for them so far, if anything it had only driven her daughter away.

Sayu’s slight figure rounded the corner and disappeared out of sight, and Sachiko let her go.

She’d come back, and they’d have a talk- a real one.

Light was waiting in the living room when Sachiko entered. He frowned at her, or, she realized, the lack of presence by her side.

“Where’s Sayu? Is everything okay?”

Sachiko toed out of her shoes and sighed.

“Sayu went for a walk, Light. She’ll be back,” _I hope._

Her son wasn’t satisfied. But why would he be? Sachiko realized dully that his room overlooked the driveway- it would be within the realm of possibility for Light to have seen Sayu storm off.

“What happened?”

“Nothing happened-“

“I checked the caller ID, Mom. Sayu’s school called- they never call.” She saw herself in the way he folded his arms and cut his eyes. “It’s those kids, isn’t it? The ones bullying her?”

Light’s always been protective of Sayu.

It began with a brilliant little boy who didn’t understand his limits, and a brilliant little girl in his shadow who stumbled after him. Light _never_ let Sayu struggle or stray.

It couldn’t be healthy.

“The situation is under control, Light,” Sachiko promised with a smile.

Besides, he didn’t need to be distracted.

Light lingered in the family room for half an hour, poking gently at the topic, but Sachiko remained innocently obtuse as she puttered around the kitchen. His eyes kept drifting to the door, but he made no move in their game of chicken. As Sachiko began to prepare dinner, Light finally admitted defeat and returned to his room to study. Now Sachiko was free to wait and worry on her own.

Sayu slunk back in blushing and embarrassed, and Sachiko got out the first aid kit for her hands. She took care of it as Sayu struggled for words.

“I’m sorry about earlier.” Sayu finally said.

“I know. I’m…I shouldn’t have forced the issue,” Sachiko admitted, putting antibiotic on the scrapes. “But it’s my job to worry. And if people are giving you a hard time to the point of physical attacks-”

“It’s not worth it.” Sayu interrupted. “It’ll pass.”

“But why are they targeting you, Sayu?”

And still Sayu remained silent.

The urge to lash out rose in Sachiko’s throat.

Why wouldn’t Sayu open up about this?

_Why don’t you trust me?_

_Why do you trust Light with this?_

But she didn’t call Sayu out on it.

“Would you like to help with dinner?” Sachiko asked instead, forcing a smile.

Sayu nodded, and Sachiko let the subject drop.


	9. Chapter 9

_There is no crueler tyranny than that which is perpetuated under the shield of law and in the name of justice. _

_-Montesquieu_

Sayu saw the news report by accident when she was channel flipping.

Another talk show, this one reporting on gossip and happenings with celebrities.

_“In other news, accused killer Iwamoto Sakaguchi suffered a heart attack in his cell last night_.” A photo of the accused came up, a man in is thirties with heavy eyebrows._ “Sakaguchi was the accused killer of Kei and Sato Amane, parents of model Misa Amane.” _More pictures, detailing the deceased, footage from the trial on mute._ “Misa Amane could not be reached for comment on the subject- her manager released the following statement:_

** _“We are sorry to hear of Mr. Sakaguchi’s passing- Miss Amane is very aware and sympathetic to the loss of a family member.” _ **

Sayu frowned, looking at the muted image of Misa Amane on the witness stand. Her hair was brown in this recording, and she looked absolutely wrecked as she gave her testimony.

Poor thing.

There was more discourse about justice and Kira and the health of the deceased, but Sayu felt sick at the realization that, besides Lind L Tailor and Raye Penber, this was the first-person Light had killed who hadn’t been guilty of his crime- technically.

In the words of crime investigation, Light was escalating.

* * *

Normally, Sayu preferred to buy her family’s gifts- whether they be birthday or Christmas- way ahead of schedule. Months at least. It gave her time to budget and kept her from panicking at the last minute. Shopping a month before Light’s birthday was, by Sayu’s standards, very late. But the fact was that between Kira, the surveillance, and trying to keep her grades afloat, let alone get into high school, Sayu had…. sort of forgotten to get him his present.

She felt guilty about it, really

(Kira or not, Light was still her brother)

Sachiko went shopping and Sayu tagged along with a neat list of gift ideas- all practical but thoughtful, because those were the gifts that Light would appreciate more than anything.

As Sachiko did her grocery shopping, Sayu broke off to wander, keeping half an eye on the time.

Light was one of the easiest people to buy a gift for- he always seemed grateful and made sure to use the present. But that didn’t mean Sayu wanted to shirk on a present.

Clothes, she decided, while a good backup option, were probably not a good idea. Light, while he preferred simplicity in his day-to-day, had a taste for the fashionable and the designer, when he could afford it. Sayu had no idea what to look for. He probably had enough clothes.

She shied away from the nicer notebooks, dismissed the messenger bags and considered the gift cards. Maybe? Probably not. Gift cards were too impersonal.

Sayu really didn’t want to come back or check another store, not when Sachiko could be done at any time.

Something practical…

But…did it have to be practical?

Light had…enough on his plate, Sayu reminded herself, stopping in front of a kiosk to examine the merchandise. Maybe, she figured, thinking back on previous gifts, he’d like something on the frivolous side. But it would have to be something he’d actually like, as opposed to just a gag gift.

He’d been too good to her, she figured. Keeping her secret and making sure that she didn’t hurt herself when she had her episodes.

Things had been calm for her since the surveillance ended. And she knew it ended because Light was back to mumbling to himself again.

Time passes, life goes on, and now she had to be a sister and not fuck this up.

Hm…

* * *

Sayu had to admit, she was excited to see the look on Light’s face when he opened his gift. For weeks she waited, the present wrapped and hidden in her sock drawer where Light wouldn’t look. Not that he ever would.

On the big day, Sayu got dressed and crept downstairs after she was sure that Light was properly occupied by his breakfast. Light had his back to her, which suited Sayu just fine as she snuck up behind him.

“Happy birthday to you! Happy birthday to you! Happy birthday dear Light! Happy birthday to you!” Sayu chirped obnoxiously as she dropped the present in front of him at the breakfast table.

“Sayu, really?” Sachiko sighed, even as Light responded with a measured ‘thank you’.

“What, can’t I congratulate the birthday boy?” Sayu asked, resisting the urge to stick her tongue out. It would be ridiculously rude. And she’s not a little kid.

“Thank you Sayu, but you really didn’t have to.” Light assured, turning the little box over in his hands.

“You could always give it back,” she pointed out as she filled her plate. Sachiko made a helpless noise, but Sayu could see the small smile.

“No chance. Now, let’s see…” Light carefully opened the wrapping paper, trying not to rip it. He went achingly slow, always had. Christmases and birthday parties had been _torture _growing up, just because Light had wanted to make sure that he wouldn’t make a mess.

The box was tiny, maybe the size of a jewelry box. Honestly it was a little annoying finding one that size for something so small. Sayu was practically bouncing as Light playfully shook the box and opened it.

She grinned at the surprised expression on his face.

“Surprise! You said nothing expensive, and I thought, hey, this could be your good luck charm!” She admitted as he drew the phone charm out of the case.

It was the To-Oh symbol, the school he wanted to get into most, his end goal.

“Thank you, Sayu.” Light said very quietly.

He didn’t say anything else, just very calmly attached it to his phone. It clashed horribly, but Sayu was proud. It was the last one at the vendor’s, and Sayu had been so happy to snatch it up. Light had no To-Oh merchandise, and she figured that it was time to change that.

“Happy birthday,” she reiterated and dug into her breakfast.


	10. Chapter 10

_“When you light a candle, you also cast a shadow.”_

_― Ursula K. Le Guin_

You’re never prepared for bad news.

For a teacher to interrupt class and summon you to the office- “quickly please, Miss Yagami, and bring all of your things.”

No one told Sayu what was going on, and she was starting to get nervous. Her grades had been steady, hadn’t they? All of her hard work was finally making a dent in things, at least, and she wasn’t on a downward spiral.

“Your mother will be here shortly to sign you out.” The secretary said softly. And Sayu nodded, but she was lost in her head at the moment. The clock on the wall executed the seconds one by one (off with their heads), and Sayu chewed her nails. The secretary’s eyes kept drifting to her, and she had an ugly little frown of worry. What was going on?

Sachiko arrived without fanfare but very upset. Sayu was struck by the raw panic and the hurry. Sachiko Yagami didn’t believe in hurrying, she wanted things done right the first time. To see her eyes wild and red, while her color was up… it startled Sayu into standing as the woman signed her out.

“Mom?” She asked quietly.

“We need to go, Sayu. Now.” Her tone brooked no arguments, and Sayu didn’t offer one as she grabbed her bag and obediently followed her mother out.

Getting in the car made the hair on the back of her neck stand up, the déjà vu was so strong. Things hadn’t been this tense as this…well, since Yuki got handsy. But driving in silence like this? It brought Sayu right back to it.

“What’s going on?” Sayu asked quietly, trying to keep her voice from shaking.

“Your father’s had a heart attack.”

Sayu felt sick, her stomach turned-

“It’s not Kira.” Sachiko said fiercely, hands gripping the wheel. “He’s…he’s alright, but he’s…he’s very weak right now.”

(_of course it isn’t Kira Light wouldn’t do something like this not now it’s too early did this happen before I can’t remember)_

“Okay.” Sayu said quietly, beneath the roar of static in her ears.

“I-I need to go sign some things at the hospital, get things handled there, and then I can take you home, okay?”

“Don’t worry about me, Mom, I’ll be fine. Just…focus on Dad.”

Sachiko shuddered.

* * *

When Sayu was eight years old, she’d had to go to work with her father.

Sachiko had an appointment, Light had some sort of tournament, and Soichiro was called in to work. No one would be home all day, and it was too short of notice to find a sitter, so Sayu got to go to work with him.

She’d brought a bag of stuff to do, had promised to be good, and had sat in the corner of his office, occasionally looking up when he was doing paperwork or had to handle a phone call. Several times, Soichiro had had to leave to talk with someone, but he’d always come back, once with lunch.

Sayu liked that memory.

When she thought of Soichiro, she thought of him like that; dedicated to his job, at peace with who he was, totally competent. He was steady and warm and, without trying, he projected competence and responsibility, and people fell into line under his directive.

This…this wasn’t right.

The shrunken man with graying hair, hooked up to machines and tubes, this _couldn’t_ be her father, could it? Could he really have changed so much over the course of the investigation? Sayu couldn’t be sure, he hadn’t been home.

Sayu grasped his hand and listened to the sound of her mother talking to the doctor in the hallway.

She felt so old, and she hated it, so so much.

The smell of cleaners was getting to her, and the sterile scent and illness was making her eyes water.

“Sayu, dear, why don’t you go get some air?” She jumped at the warm hand on her shoulder, nearly jerking out of her mother’s grip.

“I’m fine.” Sayu promised, wiping at her nose.

Sachiko’s face clouded momentarily.

“When Light gets here I’ll take you home, okay?” Sachiko promised, pulling up a chair beside her. Sayu, for once, was grateful for the close contact, and found herself leaning against her mother.

“He’ll be alright, won’t he?” Sayu asked quietly.

“Of course he will.” Sachiko said, with the certainty of a mother offering comfort, not necessarily the truth. For once, Sayu was grateful for it, for her mother thinking of what was best for her.

* * *

The unexpected would always happen, no matter how you tried to avoid it. Sachiko needed to have words with Soichiro, now that he was awake, along with the doctor, and Sayu had been dismissed to the lobby- out of the way, ostensibly to wait for Light and fill him in.

Somehow, nothing really prepared Sayu for meeting Ryuuga in person.

She hadn’t been sure if she would, but there he was, trailing behind Light by a step or two.

She hadn’t expected him to look…well, sort of greasy.

It made sense, she guessed, for a man whose diet was largely made up of sweets and who dismissed sleep as inconsequential. His eyes were very unsettling, though, as large and dark as they were, never mind his infrequent blinking.

“How are you holding up?” Light asked her quietly as she led them up to the room.

“I’m fine.” The elevator shuddered as it moved up, and Sayu gripped the railing as the lift jerked upwards.

“How are things with Chief Yagami?” Ryuuga asked bluntly, Sayu saw his blurred reflection in the metal doors. The floor numbers clicked by one at a time.

“Um, last time I was updated, things are good. He’s awake and talking, just…very tired and weak.” The wobble in her voice was very real. Heart attacks were serious, whether they were from Kira or not.

She’d almost lost her father today.

The lift halted and the doors opened with a cheerful ding. Sayu was grateful to step out of the stale air stained with sour sweat, straight into chemicals and sterility.

Hospital elevators, she guessed, never changed, no matter the reality.

* * *

L wasn’t able to listen as Sachiko Yagami and the doctor relayed Chief Yagami’s diagnosis to Light. It would have been inappropriate and drawn too much attention to himself. While the suspect might know why L wanted to keep a close eye on him, Sachiko Yagami would not understand and might cause a scene. For now, L was content to wait in the hallway with the youngest Yagami child until it was appropriate.

“So how do you know my brother?” Sayu Yagami asked, crossing a leg.

“Light and I are classmates at To-Oh.” L replied, watching as her foot bounced.

She was anxious, but that was hardly suspicious given today’s events.

“Is your name really Hideki Ryuuga? Like the movie star?” Sayu asked, and L nodded. It had been a strategic choice. “Huh. Mom and I watch his movies sometimes.”

“I find him a competent actor.”

“Same. Want to get some coffee?”

“No thank you, Light and I just had some before the phone call.” Sayu flinched at the reminder and fell silent again. “Are you enjoying school this year?”

“Yes.”

Conversation was limited after that, but Sachiko Yagami reappeared to excuse the both of them.

* * *

“Mom, I can study in the hospital,” Light promised, but Sachiko remained firm.

“No. Your father doesn’t want you to spend every day there, and neither do I. You and Sayu need to stay home and rest tonight, okay?”

Light didn’t scowl, but he did narrow his eyes.

“Did something else happen at Sayu’s school?”

Sachiko stopped what she was doing, packing a new change of pajamas for Soichiro.

“What?”

“Is Sayu being harassed again?” Light reiterated, quieter this time. He stepped into the bedroom as well, on the off chance that Sayu might wander out of her room.

“No.” His mother took a breath. “No, we just don’t think it’s healthy to spend so much time at the hospital. You’re in university, and Sayu’s only just started to get some traction with her grades again.”

So that was that, Sayu and Light had to stay home and keep themselves entertained. Or at least stay away from the hospital. Nothing was stopping them from going out to catch a movie maybe, or dinner.

Except it really wasn’t safe out at night, Light reminded himself, and double checked that the doors and windows were locked.

Sayu was still in her room when Light finished with his work for the night several hours later. Light frowned and got to work making dinner- something slightly less healthy than he would have preferred, but Light resolved, they would have a special night with just them, and Sayu liked that sort of thing.

After the stress of this past week, a quiet night in would be nice, Light thought. He’d been on edge, concerned that their father’s heart episode would trigger another sleepwalking episode. Nothing had happened, but Light wanted to lessen the chances.

Light poked his head into her room tentatively to find Sayu bent over her desk and working, still. Hm.

“Time for dinner, Sayu.” He interrupted, blinking as she jumped in surprise. He hadn’t realized how quiet her room was.

“Christ, Light, don’t do that.” She snapped, putting a hand to her chest.

Light rolled his eyes. “You need to take a break, and dinner’s done. Come on.”

Sayu scowled but turned out her desk light to join him downstairs. Light had to admit that the surprise on her face at the sight of dinner set up in the living room was enjoyable.

“I thought we could do casual, tonight.” He admitted, stepping around her to serve their plates.

“I can get my own food, Light.” Sayu grumbled, but ultimately took her seat. He smiled and handed over her plate, then got his own.

At first, the night was good. They watched a random drama that Sayu swore was just mindless enough to be entertaining. Light disagreed, but let her have her way. Eventually, between the two of them, they agreed to flip channels. There had been no word from Sachiko yet about what time she’d return home, and Sayu was waiting on that before she went to bed.

“She might not call, Sayu,” Light pointed out, reclining on the couch. From her position on the floor, Sayu shrugged.

“It’s the weekend, not a big deal,” she dismissed, rubbing her eyes. Light refrained from commenting on her obvious exhaustion. “How do you feel about bullshit television?” Sayu didn’t wait for an answer, flashing him a grin over her shoulder. Light nudged her head in mock offense.

This was good. It was nice to be able to make her smile like this.

“Sakura TV?” Sayu murmured thoughtfully, a weird look skittering across her face. Light opened his mouth to ask what was wrong, but she’d already clicked on it.

_“-the journalists here at Sakura TV are Kira’s hostages. Besides which, we have a professional obligation to share the information.” _Light sat up, staring at the television in horror.

The screen, previously showing the three news anchors, changed to an image of a tape.

_“Four days ago, our program director at Sakura TV received four tapes. After a thorough examination, there can be no doubt they are from Kira himself. On the first tape contained information about the deaths of two criminals who had been arrested that day. Just as Kira predicted, they died at the exact same time promised. Kira has instructed us to air the second tape today at exactly 5:59 pm. And we do intend to comply with his demands. This tape should contain proof of his powers. Beyond that, we understand that it contains a message to all the people of the world from Kira.” _ Sayu was pressing a hand to her mouth in silent horror as the anchor continued, surprisingly professional for a hostage.

What the hell was going on?

Sayu dove for the cabinet and tore through the tapes, Light turned to look at her before turning his attention back to the television, where the screen had changed to a staticky knockoff version of the ‘Kira Font’ that had been so popular lately. Sayu made a noise of victory and inserted a tape into the VCR, hitting a button- record, Light assumed- as the fake Kira began talking.

_“I am Kira.”_

The hell you are, Light thought, snarling silently.

_“If this video is being aired on April 18th at 5:59 as I requested, then the time now is 5:59:47, 48, 49. Please change the channel to Taiyo TV.”_

Light didn’t wait for Sayu to say anything, changing it already.

The sight of a news anchor having a heart attack on live television was brutal, horrifying and all sorts of other descriptors, but Light could only focus on the sheer audacity in this fake.

Sayu flipped the channel back, silent and pale, but looking, if anything just as angry.

The fake continued, killing innocent people who expressed their opinions but had never been accused of anything.

“This isn’t the real Kira.” Sayu spoke up eventually.

By now she had moved back to the couch, pulling her knees up to her chest.

“You don’t think so?” Light asked quietly, daring to hope.

“Kira’s never killed like this. It’s not his MO. This is…even more childish then what Kira’s trying to accomplish.” _Damn it_. He didn’t get to think about it anymore though, because Sayu pointed at the screen in horror.

A police officer, dead outside the studio.

The bodies only added up, two more officers, and finally a van driving through the station.

It was only at that point that Light began to wonder if maybe this wasn’t a little too intense for Sayu.

“Maybe we should-”

“Light, this is the biggest thing to happen since Lind L. Tailor’s murder on live television. If you make me miss it I will never forgive you,” Light dropped the subject. Sayu looked horrified, but not disturbed, and still angry, if he was being honest about it.

It’s after midnight when things finally slow down and the police surround the building.

By then, Light’s processed and made his plans.

Clearly there is someone else with a Death Note. More than that, they have the eyes- they must have, considering the dead officers outside the building. Light needs to get into contact with them, as soon as possible. This fake Kira is dangerous, a liability. They were ruthless and without morals- this wasn’t justice, this served no purpose. This would not stand. Besides, there’s no telling just how much evidence could be on those tapes.


	11. Chapter 11

_It was my delusion and naivety that brought me here. _

_Lady Gaga_

When Misa’s family had died, she had thought there was no God.

When the killer had died, she had rethought it.

When she had been saved from her stalker, she knew the truth.

God was dead, but Kira had taken His place.

Then Rem came, and her knowledge of the world, of what was, had broken open.

But, she reflected in the café, would Kira be who she hoped they would be?

If Kira was just taking advantage of a desperate world, she could step in. No one would see, no one would know. Show business, entertainment, takes place behind the scenes, all the magic is in the mystery.

It was all so romantic!

Misa sipped her coffee and watched the crowd of names as they passed by the window. When she’d first made the deal, it had been overwhelming- all those names and numbers. But with it came a sort of happiness. Misa had power now- she had the eyes of a god. That had to count for something, didn’t it?

She hadn’t wanted to kill those people at the station. But they’d gotten in the way. All those other people, though? And the buses and the masks? The guy in the van? It hadn’t been part of the plan, but Misa was flexible. The message had gotten out. Kira had to have taken notice.

Another group passed by the window- and

There

Moon Yagami had no numbers.

_Found you._

Misa was so clever!

* * *

So it turned out that Moon’s name was actually Light!

On the train ride over, Misa was nearly giddy, but mostly nervous.

She had never expected Kira to be her age, or so attractive. It was nearly unthinkable. But the more she read about Light Yagami, the more she realized that this wasn’t a normal university student. This was Kira?

His address was public record, and Misa came prepared. She came with her Death Note, and with Rem hanging over her shoulder. She wore her favorite outfit, the perfect battle armor as she walked into the lion’s den.

The Yagami house was picturesque and pristine in the way that reminded Misa of a magazine. She took a deep breath as she walked up to the front door and rang the bell. For a moment nothing happened, but it didn’t worry her. The lights were on, they were home. The door opened and a girl younger than her stood there, frowning.

“Can I help you?”

Misa bowed politely.

“My name is Misa Amane. I’m a friend of Light’s, I came to return something of his.” She explained, just like she had practiced.

Sayu Yagami nodded and stepped aside to let her in.

“Please excuse me while I get him really quick.” Sayu turned and hurried up the stairs, leaving Misa awkwardly standing in the walkway for Sachiko Yagami to find.

Another introduction and polite conversation. Sachiko was satisfied about her reasons for coming, but not who she was. Thankfully Light appeared, his sister trailing behind him as he came down.

He was composed and careful, and Misa had to hold herself still to keep from shaking.

“Hello Light,” she greeted politely. “You left your notebook. I thought I should bring it back.” She held it out to him, and he took it without hesitation. There was the briefest moment of his pupils widening, but his expression didn’t change.

“Come on up,” he invited. “Mom, do you think you make us some tea?”

“Sure, but Light, who is she?” Sachiko began.

“I already told you about her.” He dismissed, leading her up the stairs.

Sayu stayed silent.

“How did you find me?” Misa wasn’t surprised that that was his first question, but she was still struck by how cute he was when he was staring at her.

But more then that…

_She was right!_

“I knew it! You didn’t make the eye deal, did you?” She grinned, unable to help it. “Making the deal means you see the names and life spans of other humans. Unless they have a Death Note! I saw you in Aoyama, and I knew it was you.”

Light’s eyes flicked to his left, where his Shinigami was, presumably.

“Regardless, you were careless. The police will check the cameras, they’ll find you- you shouldn’t even be here.”

Misa had been prepared for that, and showed him the photos she’d taken of herself.

“That was how I looked on the day we were in Aoyama.”

She’d surprised him, that was good.

“So what do you want?” He finally asked.

“I…you haven’t made the deal. You don’t have the eyes. But what if you don’t have to? What if I were your eyes? Then, then could I be your girlfriend?” Misa felt her face heat up.

“Girlfriend?”

“I want to help you. I want to help Kira.” Misa said firmly, gripping her skirt. She had to make this clear, _make him understand._

“Why? Why would you risk so much?” There was a polite knock at the door and Sachiko Yagami brought in the tea and snacks. She was smart enough to read the room though, and quickly exited.

“My parents were killed. A home invasion.” She hated talking about it, about that horrible night where _everything_ went so wrong. “The man who did it, he was arrested. But…but the trial dragged on and on. People started talking about, about false testimony, about injustice. They said I falsely accused him.” Idiots, all of them. “Then, then Kira killed him.”

“You gave me justice. I want everyone else to have that.”

“And those tapes?” Light demanded. “The letters? They’re going to find you- how did you even-”

Actually Misa was proud of that plan. It was a great plan.

“I talked to a friend who’s interested in the occult. We made these tapes, faking paranormal encounters, we were gonna send them in to the news, scare everyone.” She still couldn’t believe Hitomi fell for that. “I mailed them from different locations, far from my house. I even have an alibi for when I was gone.”

“And what if she talks?”

Did he really think she’d be dumb enough to let that happen?

“If you want me to kill her, I’ll kill her. I won’t let anyone stand between us, between our mission.” Misa promised, but she was getting scared. Why wouldn’t he see? Why didn’t he understand?

“I love you. I want to help.”

And then things were going her way.

* * *

After Misa had calmed down and excused herself to freshen up, she left.

Light was sweet enough to walk her to the door where the rest of his family waited.

“It was wonderful meeting you,” Sachiko assured, bowing again.

Misa smiled and blushed. “Thank you. You have a beautiful home, Mrs. Yagami, but I need to get home.”

Sachiko frowned and glanced at her watch. “It’s so dark though, do you live nearby?”

“No, but I took the train.” She assured.

“Light, you should walk your friend.” Sachiko guided, and Misa giggled a bit. But that would be asking far too much.

“No thank you, it’s not that far.”

“It’s not safe at night,” Sayu said firmly. “Not with Kira. If Light won’t walk you, I will.”

Well.

That was surprising.

Light sighed, and Misa was about to assure them again but, “let me get my coat then. I’ll walk you, Misa.”

She giggled, and Sayu threw her a hesitant wink.

What a sweet kid.


	12. Chapter 12

There were weirder ways to spend your afternoon.

Sayu poked at her cake, provided for her by a smiling Misa.

“Thank you for the cake,” Sayu said belatedly, drawing a blank if she’d said it or not.

Misa laughed a little, “it’s no problem. I can’t eat like this a lot, so thanks for giving me an excuse!” Sayu managed a conspiratory smile with her and then turned her attention back to the plate.

The little café was pleasantly crowded, but very isolated. Every booth was like a nice little island of seclusion. It was a nice way to relax after school, she guessed, even if it was with Misa.

“You’re a model, right?” Sayu asked, swallowing her first bite.

“Mmhmm!” Misa chirped, “you recognize me?”

“Um, sort of. I wanted to offer my condolences for what happened to your parents. And the trial.”

Sayu saw the moment Misa registered what she said, when the cheerful air dissipated, and she seemed to shrink in on herself, just a little. She wasn’t lying, she did feel awful for her. No one should lose their parents like that or be denied justice.

“It…went on longer than I thought. But it’s over.” Misa sipped her coffee.

“It’s a shame he died before he could be punished.” Sayu offered innocently. Where was Rem? She never seemed to leave Misa’s side in the anime, not until the nonsense with the amnesia. She had to be nearby.

“He’s dead though, so it’s punishment. He’s burning in hell.” The acid in her tone was enough to make Sayu want to raise an eyebrow.

“But it was quick. He didn’t get to repent. Or lose years and have to acknowledge what he’d done on his record. He’s just another Kira victim.”

“That bastard isn’t anyone’s victim!” Sayu flinched at the fist that smacked the table.

“But no one’s gonna remember him for what he’s done wrong.” Sayu pointed out. “Or even that he died.”

Misa’s look was stormy and ugly, but Sayu met it head on. She needed to make it clear where she stood on this. Besides, there were more important things to talk about.

“So, are you dating my brother?”

And there was the beaming smile again, although her eyes remained serpent sharp.

“Yeah! But you can’t tell anyone, okay?” Misa made a shushing gesture with her finger. Sayu giggled.

“Okay. I never would have guessed if you hadn’t showed up. Light’s…not usually one for such bubbly people.” Sayu admitted delicately. But that was putting it lightly. Light tended to view vibrant optimism as stupidity, and Sayu had no idea how to break him of the habit.

“Well, the heart wants what it wants.”

In the background someone burst into a peal of laughter. Sayu jumped, nearly dropping her fork. She needed to stop, Misa wouldn’t do anything- she wouldn’t risk her relationship with Light. There was no point in saying that Sayu hadn’t done anything. Misa was childish and impetuous. It came in advantage several times in canon, but…

“I think you and him would get along well together.” Sayu admitted. “I love Light, but I do like you, Misa.”

“Really? That means so much, thank you, Sayu!” Misa squealed, kicking her feet. Sayu bit down on her instinctive flinch.

“But,” she interrupted gently, careful not to sound too rude, “I think you need to keep Light in mind.”

“Hm? What do you mean?” Sayu wasn’t really impressed with Misa’s head tilt, or the little pout she made- it must be an expression picked up from a manga or something.

“Light’s…not like other men.” When Misa opened her mouth, Sayu raised a hand to cut her off. “Not like that. He needs someone that he can respect. He doesn’t need someone subservient- he needs someone that will have his back. Someone he can trust.” Sayu explained, careful to remain vague. To her credit, it did seem like Misa was considering what she said, so that was good.

Honestly, the last thing Sayu wanted was to get involved in her brother’s love life, especially when it was all tied up with Kira. But maybe this would make things easier for her down the road?

“Thanks, Sayu. I’m glad that we had this talk.”

“Me too, Misa. Thanks for the coffee.”

“No problem!”

* * *

Misa walked her home, which Sayu knew was only a pretense. It was fine though, Misa wasn’t that terrible in short doses. Very childish, but not unpleasant. Sayu found her refreshing after dealing with constant intrigue. Mainly because Misa wasn’t attempting to hide anything from her.

(Though, to be fair, Sayu didn’t have to listen to Misa’s maniacal laughter and mumblings at night…she might be different behind closed doors, like Light was, but she didn’t like to consider that.

What she liked to think about was maybe this was Misa without the Death Note, before the tragedies had touched her)

“It’s so much work being a model,” Misa whined, throwing her hands up. Sayu giggled. “No one realizes- they think it’s looking cute and wearing nice clothes!”

“Well that’s part of it.”

“Yeah, but do you know how much work goes into being cute?” Misa asked, poking her. “The diets, the makeup, the work outs, the schedule…” She shook her head as they approached the house.

“I’m sorry,” Sayu offered, truthfully. It did sound like hell.

“Well, I get paid lots of money, so it’s not all bad.” Misa admitted.

Misa didn’t say anything about leaving, instead following Sayu up the walk, and Sayu didn’t bother calling her out on it. It wouldn’t be worth anything- this was a big thing that had to happen.

Light was the one to greet them at the door, and Sayu stepped aside to let Misa throw her arms around him, smiling a little.

“Your girlfriend’s awesome, Light.” Sayu gave them a thumbs up and scooted around them into the house, escaping the madhouse.


	13. Chapter 13

_“No live organism can continue for long to exist sanely under conditions of absolute reality; even larks and katydids are supposed, by some, to dream.”_

_― _Shirley Jackson_, The Haunting of Hill House_

“Dad, before we do this…I need to tell you something.” Soichiro braced himself for anything. For some whispered truth, some confession, a secret.

For a moment, the face of the young man before him was superimposed with the image of Light as a child; the rosy cheeked child, fascinated with the world, always asking questions, hungry to know more. Soichiro hadn’t worked as much then, there’d been weekends off every now and again. Quiet afternoons with his children, helping with schoolwork.

“What is it, Light?”

They were alone now, a courtesy from Ryuzaki at Light’s quiet request. Soichiro doubted that there wasn’t some sort of camera in the room.

“I’m worried about Sayu.” Light admitted, “about what might happen while we’re under watch.”

Oh.

“Ryuzaki, he said we were under surveillance before? Did you…” Light hesitated, “did he see Sayu sleepwalking?”

“Yes. We knew about it.” Soichiro clicked his tongue in annoyance. “Your mother and I thought she’d outgrown it- why would you hide it from us? She could have gotten down the street again, or worse-”

“Because I was there.” Light promised, looking down in shame. “She never got out the door, I always heard her walk by.”

“That wasn’t your decision to make, Light.”

“Sayu begged me not to tell you.” Light said, looking up through his bangs. Soichiro wasn’t impressed. They were a family, secrets undermined them. “She was embarrassed, and she hated you both worrying.” And, honestly, that was so much like his daughter that it brought Soichiro up short.

“I’ll inform your mother of your concerns, though not in this context.” Soichiro promised.

Light looked satisfied and allowed himself to be escorted to his imprisonment.

* * *

The hard part was coming up with a way of explaining Light’s absence to Sachiko, and ensuring that he wasn’t dropped from To-Oh’s registry. It took some string pulling, but Ryuzaki made sure that the school wouldn’t remove his name. That left Soichiro to explain things in the domestic setting.

“I don’t understand.”

It was late, Sayu was in bed, and Sachiko was clutching a cooling cup of tea to hide the shaking of her hands. Soichiro could hardly blame her.

“Light was asked to assist in the investigation,” he explained patiently. “For his own safety, he won’t be returning home or to school for the time being.”

“For how long? What about university? What if they-”

“To-Oh’s been handled. He won’t be dropped from the register.” Soichiro promised, but, as expected, it didn’t seem to give her any peace.

“But why? He’s only a student Soichiro, and this isn’t just a robbery case, this is terrorism on a global scale.” Soichiro was struck by how much she looked like their son just then, with that determined set to her mouth and that fire in her eyes. He was reminded of the girl he met in school.

“He’s a genius, and my superior believes that he can assist.”

It broke his heart that he couldn’t tell her the truth.

“But he did express some…concerns, about Sayu.”

Sachiko’s gaze sharpened.

* * *

Light hadn’t been prepared for the boredom that came with incarceration.

There was no sound, nothing to watch, nothing to do. He sat there in silence and listened and felt his heart beneath his skin. The Death Note had made him more aware of it than he had ever been.

_Every day is a gift_, he’d heard that somewhere. A book or a prayer?

He had to stay calm.

Light had investigated torture through isolation before.

It was fascinating, what silence and boredom could do to the human psyche.

All he had to do was keep himself entertained and wait.

It was killing Ryuk, if the shuddering withdrawals and complaints were anything to go by.

L’s voice appeared through the intercom seven days into Light’s confinement, right on schedule.

Well, L might be used to playing cat and mouse with some novice criminals, but Light wasn’t someone new to the game.

“What do you have to prove by doing this, Light?”

He allowed himself a laugh.

“Yeah, I know. This useless pride…I guess I’ll have to get rid of it.”

The transformation from pouting addict into Shinigami was instantaneous.

“Later, Light.”

* * *

What had he been thinking? Why had he done this, why had he waived any right to leave?

Oh god.

He was going to die here, wasn’t he? He was going to die alone in a cell with his arms cramped, with no one to hear him but a mad detective who thought he was guilty.

This wasn’t right.

Oh god, oh god.

The only thing that stopped him from crying was the knowledge that L was watching.

Not watching, he corrected himself, monitoring.

_Because he thinks I’m Kira_.

Kira was a murderer, a monster. A clever one, tricking L like this, but he wouldn’t get away with this, he couldn’t.

* * *

How long was he imprisoned? His meals were brought to him intermittently, there was no way to tell. The lights were never turned out. He wanted to go home, wanted to see his family.

Was his father still imprisoned?

He had to be, surely Father would know, wouldn’t give up on him.

It was a thought that had buzzed around his head, over and over.

The truth will out.

Justice won’t fail.

* * *

Light became intimately acquainted with the nooks and crannies in his cell. Every crack, every crevice. The flickering pattern of the lights. The sound of electricity. If he closed his eyes, he was sure that he could hear the bowels of the building.

He was losing his mind.

“Get up, Yagami.” A masked man with a gun ordered. Light blinked up at him, uncomprehending.

“Get. Up.”

Finally, he did, heart pounding.

Was…was he free?


	14. Chapter 14

It was quiet without Light around the house. But at the same time, it was louder? Did that make any sort of sense?

Funny, how her brother being out of the house made such a difference. Well, Light and Soichiro, but Soichiro was almost never home…

One of the first things that changed for Sayu was her sleeping habits.

It wasn’t until now that she realized how stressed she’d been. About Kira, about an invisible set of eyes (or two) watching her when she least expected it. The first weekend without Light in the house, Sayu Yagami slept nearly 27 hours. She’d have slept longer if her mother, frantic with fear, hadn’t woken her up.

Sayu slept a lot after he went to help with the Kira investigation.

For the first time in months she didn’t have to prepare a smile, or think of how to react, or pretend not to notice things. And she was so tired, so so tired. It was nice to just be able to sit and blank out for extended periods of time.

Her days consisted of school, then homework, then studying, then sleep.

Rinse and repeat.

Her grades remained steady, but Sayu was finally free to just numb herself.

* * *

Sachiko was worried.

She’d been doing that a lot lately.

Alone in her room, in a silent house, was it any wonder?

_Oh Sayu_, she thought, heart pounding as she read yet another article on depression in teenagers.

She’d wanted to ignore it, her suspicions and her fears and the mounting concern. She’d thought things were getting better. Her grades were doing better.

But then came the reveal from Soichiro, from Light, about the sleepwalking, and suddenly Sachiko hadn’t been so sure anymore. And like a house of cards her denials began to fall apart.

_“London bridge is falling down,_

_Falling down,_

_London bridge is falling down,_

_My fair Lady…”_

Sachiko blinked and rubbed her eyes. She was getting too tired to think clearly.

Sayu’d loved that nursery rhyme. Many a time Sachiko had crept by the baby’s room and heard Light crooning it to her.

Things weren’t getting better for Sayu.

Sachiko had to admit that. Had to force herself to stop pretending and looking for what she wanted to see, not what she was actually seeing.

Sayu wasn’t…thriving, the way she should. All she did was sleep and school work. When Sachiko made inquisitive noises about maybe going to the arcade or socializing, Sayu would brush her off. Even appealing to her habits wasn’t working; reading, astronomy, history…she wasn’t interested in any of it.

How deep did all of this run?

_“Why is there a deadbolt on my door?” Sayu asked when she got home from school, the day after Light went to help with the investigation._

_Sachiko didn’t look up at her._

_“Your father and I thought that it was the best thing to do, what with the sleepwalking.” Sachiko admitted. She didn’t bring attention to the Sayu’s window, which was now nailed shut as well._

_Sayu sat down at the table. “So Light told you, then?”_

_“He was worried.”_

_“Because he won’t be in the house for the foreseeable future.” It was killing her, the matter-of-fact tone her daughter had._

_Say something! Sachiko begged internally, show some emotion, give me something, Sayu!_

_But her daughter didn’t._

_“Why didn’t you tell us about the sleepwalking, Sayu?”_

_“Because maybe I didn’t want to be locked in my room like an animal?”_

_“What if you left the house again? You can undo the locks in your sleep-”_

_“But I haven’t though, Light-”_

_“It isn’t Light’s job to keep you safe, Sayu!” Sachiko slammed her fists down on the counter, making something rattle, “it’s my job! I’m your mother!”_

_Sayu had looked at her, and Sachiko felt something inside her begin to wail at the veiled looked in her eyes. A look so identical to her brother’s._

What’s happened to my children? She wondered again.

When did secrets and depression begin to seep into the foundations of the house, and when did Sayu begin to rely on Light to keep her secrets? When did Light decide he could act in hers’ and Soichiro’s place?


	15. Chapter 15

The building is state-of-the art, just like L had promised them. Light had to fight the urge to be visually excited at the amount of tech available to the investigation, the resources. L had even been able to get them access to records that had previously been sealed, and Light’s curiosity had dived right in. He was, to quote Sayu, “having a blast”.

Even being handcuffed to Ryuzaki and his ridiculous sleeping habits (or lacktherof) and his habit of needling Light for a reaction couldn’t dampen his spirits.

Light hadn’t felt this alive in a _long_ time. When? Maybe when he first started playing tennis.

Maybe, just maybe, it wasn’t the investigation itself that ramped him up, Light reflected one evening as he poured over Ryuzaki’s provided laptop.

Kira was a menace, a terrorist, a threat to the public. He was a dictator, hardly a god.

But more than that, he was endangering Light’s family.

Soichiro put himself in the line of fire every day, in a way that not even Light did. Soichiro risked all of them for this belief- the belief that Kira was wrong, that an ordinary man couldn’t just pass a death sentence without a trial. And, for all of Ryuzaki’s precautions Kira had still targeted them.

Light shuddered at the memory of those days in his cell.

The prospect of vengeance wasn’t, admittedly, a nice thing to be so exited about. But it would have to remain a private thing.

He could already hear Ryuzaki’s smug _“5 percent”_ or some other nonsense.

On the other side of the bed Ryuzaki munched on some ridiculous chocolate thing, eyes trained on his own screen.

“Misa has been bothering me about when your next day off might be.” Ryuzaki said a little louder, dragging Light’s attention to him.

“Hm?” When Ryuzaki repeated himself Light couldn’t suppress a flinch. The idea of spending his day off with that woman….

“She’s been making so much noise about it, I thought a date night between you might be in order.” That could not stand.

“Actually,” Light interrupted, “is there any way I might spend some time at home? I haven’t seen my sister or mother in a long time.”

“But that wouldn’t be a date night.”

“You could study my home environment in person,” Light pointed out with a careful smile. He watched Ryuzaki turn it over in his mind, absently licking sugar off one finger.

* * *

Sayu’d been enjoying her not so little vacation from Light.

The bone deep exhaustion had finally passed, and a burst of energy had followed. She’d cleaned her room with a fervor never seen by her poor mother. A sort of cleansing, getting rid of nonsense that she’d held onto for far too long.

She really didn’t expect to see him again for…well, awhile.

Soichiro had finally come home, of course, exhausted, and crashed for several days after a hot shower and a home cooked meal, respectively. He’d shaved the next day, but seemed that much better off.

“Light will be helping us with the investigation, he can’t come home quite yet,” but he seemed much happier now than before.

_It must be nice to think he’s innocent_, Sayu guessed.

It was also surprising how quiet it was without Misa.

Granted, she’d only met her the two times, but, well, she’d made an impression.

_An impression,_ she mocked internally, _that’s one word for it. _

The doorbell rang, and Sachiko called out for Sayu to get the door. Sayu was already off the couch, since she was raised with manners.

And, honestly, even though she really should have expected the shoe to drop, she hadn’t, which left her completely surprised to see Light and L- excuse her, _Ryuga, _outside.

“Hi Sayu,” Light greeted sheepishly, “I came to visit.”

“I…see that.” She stared down at the chain and raised an eyebrow. “And your friend?”

“It’s part of a class assignment.” Ryuga lied. Well, not that anyone could tell, but Sayu knew the truth. She pasted on a happy face, though, because hey, her big brother was home to visit, and stepped aside to let them in.

* * *

Once upon a time, Sachiko would have been delighted at the idea of Light bringing home friends. She knew, for a fact, she would have gushed over it, over Light’s return. He was helping the police, he was making strides in achieving his dream.

But she wasn’t.

She did all the appropriate things that she was supposed to. She set an extra place for Ryuga at the table, she asked vague questions so they wouldn’t be put in an awkward position.

Ryuga was strange, but that didn’t bother her.

What bothered her was Light immediately claiming the spot on the couch next to Sayu.

What bothered her was Ryuga admitting that they’d had a day off and Light wanted to see Sayu.

What bothered her was Light’s lack of denial, only a little laugh of embarrassment, and his tacked on “and you of course, Mother.”

* * *

“Why are you so protective of Sayu?” Ryuzaki asked that night, once Light had showered and collapsed in bed.

“Is it so weird that I am? She’s my only sister.”

“And there’s nothing deeper to it?” Ryuzaki wondered. “You were very attuned to her sleep walking.” Light stiffened, giving Ryuzaki the answer that he wanted. “Your parents weren’t even aware she was still doing it.”

“She…she’s embarrassed. And I didn’t want her to be uncomfortable. So I just…learned to hear when she walked by.” Light’s chest felt heavy with the truth, and his tongue was weighed down.

“Quite a feat.”

“I…I had to. I’m the reason she’s still…like this.” There, it was out now. The truth. Ryuzaki just cocked his head.

“How so?”

“Well…the first time Sayu did this, it was her birthday. I…I got her a telescope, because she wanted to see the stars. She was so interested in them. I used to tell her stories about the constellations, you know?” Light could remember picking it out and paying for it with his own pocket money, how proud he was. She’d lit up when she’d unwrapped the present, but she’d gotten busy, and there wasn’t time to look at the stars that night. She’d gone to bed early, and Light had… “I took the telescope, after Sayu went to bed. I wanted to see, so I could show her the next day.” He had to take deep breaths then.

It didn’t feel accusatory, the way Ryuzaki watched him. Just like he was waiting for an answer. “She walked out the front door. And she kept walking. I…I should have seen her. Or heard her go. But I didn’t. A neighbor brought her home- she was talking to a stranger. The neighbor said the stranger ran off when he approached. I…” Light shook his head, “she was crying so hard. She was so scared. And…and it was my _fault._”

“Did you ever tell your parents?” Ryuzaki asked, once it became clear that Light wasn’t going to continue.

“How could I?” It would have disappointed them.

“Did Sayu?”

“Sayu doesn’t know I was awake.” Light admitted, shamefacedly. He’d kept…meaning to tell her. Assure her that…that he’d been trying to be better. But…

“I think you shouldn’t blame yourself. You don’t know for certain if anything occurred.” Ryuzaki sipped his coffee. “Sayu herself seems to be remarkably adjusted.”

“Why else would a stranger be talking to a child sleepwalking?” Light demanded. “Why wouldn’t he stick around to get her home safely?”

“Who would believe his account?” Ryuzaki pointed out, and it only made Light that much angrier.


	16. Chapter 16

Misa had had enough of being held in custody.

Originally she was all for the upgrade in her room- now she wasn’t in that nasty straightjacket, and she could see. She wasn’t terrified for her life and having to try and barter and lower her self-respect to be treated like a person. Not that it worked. But then again, her training was for stalkers and ransom, not detectives working outside the law who suspected you of being a serial killer. Misa giggled at the thought of telling her old bodyguards about that.

Of course, it really wasn’t funny.

Now she’s in a nice suite, not living in a little apartment, or moving from hotel to hotel for work. It’s nice. She missed that.

It would be better, she thought, staring up at the ceiling, if she could talk to her friends, but that’s gotta happen some time soon, right? They can’t just keep her isolated like this with just Matsu for company. Better yet, if they’d just let her be around Light.

When Misa was little, her Mother had told her that taking ‘no’ for an answer wouldn’t get her anywhere.

“You’re a girl, Misa,” she used to say, before the pageants and the contracts, “you need to decide what you want and go for it.” And she had taken that advice and look where it got her; a great modeling contract, a wonderful boyfriend, an upcoming acting gig- Misa had it all, even with this little setback.

Well, now she’s had enough of sitting back and waiting for her next date night.

“I want to see that rat, Ryuzaki.” She demands Matsu, and when he stammers that he’s busy, Misa pushes past him. Matsu was the type of guy that was easy to walk over- you had to learn that in the modeling business.

As always, Light and the Toad were working. It couldn’t possibly be good for them to sit in front of computers all day like this, could it?

“Light, I want to go on a date.” She proclaimed, setting her hands on her hips.

Light took a breath and looked at Ryuzaki, probably because the gremlin was keeping him on such a short leash. It was gross- the handcuffs and the cameras and the cage, and Misa shuddered to remember her time in captivity where the days had all blended together in one horrifying dark blur.

“I’m afraid that’s not possible, Miss Amane,” Ryuzaki said, again, just like every other time she asked, in that same stupid tone like he was better than her. It really pissed her off, okay?

“Why not? You can’t keep up prisoner like this, and you sure can’t work my poor Light nonstop without a day off!” The idea that that greasy, no good kidnapper was taking advantage of her boyfriend made her blood boil. “There are laws against it!”

Ryuzaki dropped more sugar cubes into his coffee. Misa had seen him literally made coffee and sugar sludge that way before, and she felt gross by association. “Aside from the fact that Light is assisting me of his free will, I do not work Light nonstop.”

And he sounded so calm, like she was the irrational one! Unbelievable!

“Oh really? Explain to me why the hell you won’t let him have a day off, then!” It sounded so smart in her head, but it came out as brittle as frost in the face of Ryuzaki’s dead eyes.

“Light had a day off, Miss Amane,” Ryuzaki stated, “he chose to spend it with his family at home.”

Misa turned her wrath to Light and took pleasure in him averting his eyes.

“What?”

“Misa, I hadn’t seen Sayu and my Mother for months,” he defended, calmly, too calmly. “I still see you around the building-“

“But we don’t get to be alone, Light!”

“I wasn’t alone with them!” He promised, flushing, “Ryuzaki was there too- and believe me, it was weird. We can just save the dates for after we clear our names, okay?”

“Light that isn’t fair!” She brushed his hand from her shoulder scowling.

“Life isn’t fair-”

And just like that, Misa was done listening.

She loved Light, of course she did. He was smart, and handsome and he was such a good person, but he, of all people, should know that Misa knew how unfair life was.


	17. Chapter 17

There had been a lot of long days in Soichiro Yagami’s career.

The first time he’d really made a mistake.

The first criminal he’d shot and killed.

The first person he hadn’t saved.

The first criminal that had gotten off in court.

Returning home after a missed recital, performance, competition, because of a case.

Missed anniversaries.

Missed birthdays.

There were so many of them, all weighing down on him, it still surprised him that he didn’t leave footprints in the sidewalk

When he and Sachiko had been young, they talked about his retirement- about trips and travels, but those had wound down into personal projects, moving away from the city, and, finally, rest. But Soichiro knew he wouldn’t retire, there was no retirement anymore.

He’d been so sure when he’d promised to stick by the investigation, but only now all of the bills and money became a question. Sayu was going to enter University soon, she was already in a private high school. Light was still on the roster.

Of course, all of it was a moot point. L’s…test, meant it didn’t matter, but the idea that such a choice had to be made. It reminded him too much of the allegorical stories meant for children.

The problem was that Soichiro’s mind couldn’t stop with the calculations that meant nothing anymore. The situation was resolved. And yet…

Scholarships had to be available for Light, there was no question. He was too brilliant. But Sayu? He shrunk from the thought of her taking a gap year out of school, but the idea of her in a public high school was worse. She got the attention she needed where she was, got the help. Her grades had finally started doing better, and it was in part to the teachers. Sachiko could go back to work, of course but it was still not enough.

His heart went out to Aizawa, who had a younger family and less options. He couldn’t imagine this choice as a younger man, and he certainly understood his reasons for leaving.

There was an unspoken rule now that Sachiko and Sayu didn’t ask about the Kira case anymore. He spent all day with it, and God knows he was hardly home anyway. So, to keep the peace and make his time as relaxing as possible, conversation at the table was light and shallow, all the good things shined to a polish. He appreciated that effort, but the empty chair where Light always sat was like a black hole, and his attention kept getting drawn to it.

The persistent feeling that this was all in vain, and Kira would target his family again was nearly enough to cow him.

Sayu excused herself to study, and Soichiro wished her a good night out of habit. She kissed the top of his head on her way by.

But the look on Sachiko’s face when she was gone had his heart sinking.

“What is it?” He asked quietly.

“I think Light should move out.”

And there was something he hadn’t been expecting to hear. “What? Why?”

He hadn’t seen her look so troubled in a long time. It really had him worried.

“I worry that Light is too…dependent on us.” She admitted, and Soichiro took a deep breath in relief. Was that all?

He’d known that Light and Ryuuzaki had come her for a visit on Light’s day off. After the hell that had been his incarceration, it made sense if Light had been a little overbearing. No doubt he’d been awkward and off-beat, especially for him.

Unfortunately, he couldn’t explain to her the month of isolation Light had gone through.

The month he’d been gone for had…strained things. He’d been unable to call, couldn’t even send word under direction from L. Sachiko had been out of her mind with worry, and when he could only tell her it had to do with the case, she’d been furious.

“You can’t just disappear, Soichiro!” She’d exclaimed icily, not quite yelling. “What if something happened- we’d have never known! You’d just be gone!”

“Sachiko, I couldn’t tell you anything. I wasn’t allowed to discuss things.”

“You couldn’t even-”

“I said I’d be away awhile.”

“A while is not a month without word!”

Things had been silent between them since.

He couldn’t blame her in the least.

It was a relief that an affair had never cross her mind at least.

“Are you listening to me, Soichiro?” Sachiko asked, breaking him from his reverie.

Things had never been so strained between them. And the worst part of it was, from the outside, it wasn’t. And not in the behind closed doors, sort of strained. Sachiko supported him and loved him, he knew that from the bottom of his heart. She’d never spoken out against the time work stole from their family, not until Kira, and even then, it was only after it began to directly affect him and their safety.

Even now, with her still angry, she never pressured him to leave the case. And she wouldn’t, because Soichiro wouldn’t. This was too important, Kira was too dangerous, even without framing Light.

“I hear you, Sachiko,” he promised, and he did. There were just, extenuating circumstances for Light’s behavior lately. It would be over soon. “I think that we should put a pin in the thought though. He’s staying in Task Force Headquarters for the moment anyway, it would be a waste of money to demand he move out now.”

She nodded, the pinched look smoothing out. “You’re right.”

He smiled and took her hand. “He’s a young man, he’ll want to leave without us pushing him. Besides, this could push him into deciding he wants his own space.” It was true enough, God knows that Soichiro would be desperate for alone time after being watched obsessively for months.


	18. Chapter 18

There’s a lot that Matsuda has to put up with when it comes to the Task Force.

He has to accept that they’re working outside the law now.

He has to accept that Kira is a serial killer who has slowly been expanding his victim pool as names ran out- it’s not just rapists and murderers or terrorists anymore, now it drug dealers, thieves, and people that haven’t even been convicted yet. The population was in an uproar, and Kira’s fanatics had a TV show now where they praised him and demanded donations so that they’d be sure to put in a good word for you.

He has to accept that he’s more like a mascot for the Task Force then an actual member of it. He’s the but of every joke, the first to be insulted and the one that always has to lighten the room’s atmosphere.

And, honestly, he’d be less inclined to bitch about any of it if any one of his team members took him seriously.

The wind kicked up and he shivered, trying to keep the coffee in his hands from spilling.

How they managed to get Misa-Misa in a thin little costume like that in this sort of weather was ridiculous. But Misa was pretty professional- right up until Hideki Ryuga leaned in to kiss her-

“It wasn’t in the script I was given and I’m not doing it!” Misa reiterated, stomping her foot. Remarkably without breaking her heel.

He was kind of impressed.

The lights on the set went up and Matsuda caught sight of the Yotsuba building.

It was so close…

He looked at Misa again, but she was busy arguing. She’d be a bit. He left her coffee on her chair and hurried off.

He looked professional enough to slip in so long as he kept his head down. He didn’t mean to get in far, really, but when he saw the board members, he had to keep going. Carefully Matsuda counted the floors and then headed up by way of the stairs.

* * *

When he was a kid, Matsuda loved spy movies.

He’d loved how clever they were, the cool gadgets, the fast talking- and definitely the girls that they won in the end.

See, you could say a lot about Matsuda, but you could also say that he was a fast talker, and very aware of how dumb he could be perceived- never had he been so thankful for that then right now, being able to hold up Misa’s business info and the fake papers that had been included as part of his false identity.

He pasted a dumb grin on his face and he talked- and he kept talking.

“I represent the actress and model, Misa-Misa! Misa-Misa’s doing work in the area and our agency was hoping you would consider her as the face of the Yotsuba Corporation!”

He wasn’t sure what their names were, the men who had him sitting down, but the odds were, one of them might be Kira. He could be sitting with Kira.

But he had a false identity.

He’d never question L’s decisions, as long as he lived, if he got out of this. Never, ever, ever, ever.

When his burner phone began to ring, he could have cried.

When L, drawling like a frat boy, picked up and understood the situation he was in, he could have dropped to his knees and prayed.


	19. Chapter 19

Misa’s mother had a ritual for her mornings.

Misa had never had a use for one.

Misa had always thrived on chance and luck and chaos- it was more fun that way, to walk out the door not knowing what could happen. She’d heard once that the energy you put out influenced the world around you, and Misa was petty enough to inflict chaos and disorder on the people she couldn’t argue with in her day to day.

But with her work, some order was needed- she had to take a few tacks every day and pin things down. Appointments, shoots, phone calls.

With Ryuga’s interrogation came a stifling amount of rules that she had to follow. When she had to go somewhere, she had to alert someone so that they could come with her, she had to let them know ahead of time, it was crazy.

She hated it, so much, and all she wanted was for them to take her seriously.

Hadn’t she done what she was supposed to with Matsu and the party? They hadn’t even told her what was going to happen- and wasn’t that a scary few minutes before she got the call?

Light had apologized for being so insensitive, and Misa forgave him. He was a little stressed, that was all, and she was happy to help him- besides, it was acting, she could do that.

She probably should have expected that toad Ryuga’s interference while she was rehearsing, but that was whatever.

“Is it true that you were under investigation for being the second Kira?” Asked the blond man, hands folded neatly.

“What??” She shrieked, because…it was funny.

Not in a funny ‘ha-ha’ way, but in an ironic way.

What else do you call a rehearsal for the first suspect of the Kira investigation to try and get an in with the first Kira?

Ryuga bapped her on the back of the head like a dog, with a rolled up wad of paper.

“Misa, stop overacting, this is ridiculous.” He drawled, and she sighed.

“It’s not my fault you guys can’t take a joke. Lighten up a bit.” She pouted. _After all, you’re not the one risking your life and putting your name out there like this._

Light, the sweetheart, smiled and patted her hand.

“Misa, I know that you’re stressed out, but this is really important. Can you please focus? For me?” Misa sighed, but took advantage and lunged forward to steal a kiss. The sight of her lip gloss on him, like a brand, made her grin.

“Just for you, Light.” She winked.

* * *

Sitting there in front of the table was scary, and weirdly invoked a feeling of déjà vu. Probably because it was the same guy giving Misa her questions.

But she smiled and turned on the charm the way she was supposed to.

“Hi there, it’s so nice to see you again,” she bowed correctly as she sat down. “Thank you for considering me.”

“The pleasure is ours, Miss Amane. Is there anything you’d like to drink? Water? Tea?” She shook her head and smiled.

“No, thank you.”

And so the questions started. Misa tried not to let their eyes get under their skin, but it was hard. One of them was Kira. Her life was in danger. But she couldn’t let anyone know. Her heart was beating so fast and so loud, she was sure that they could hear it.

It was only when the trembling of her hands got out of control that she asked for a bathroom break.

Her mother was turning in her grave at her rudeness.

But they excused her and she took the chance to wash her face and calm down.

Calm down

Calm down.

Then she looked up into the mirror and there was a monster made of bones and bandages staring at her.

Misa opened her mouth to scream, but the monster beat her to the punch, covering her mouth with a large, bony…it looked more like a paw than a hand.

“I’m not here to harm you, Misa,” the monster said quietly, “I am Rem, the Shinigami.”

_Shinigami?_ _What?_

“The man calling himself Kira is in the conference room. But his notebook belonged to someone else. Light Yagami was the first Kira, and you were the second. You gave up the instrument, and your memories.” Misa couldn’t breathe- it, she, was holding her too hard. “I’m going to let you go, can you promise not to scream?” Rem wasn’t hurting her, Misa had no problem nodding. Immediately the paw withdrew, and Misa heaved a breath for her burning lungs.

“What do you mean? I was the second Kira?” She repeated, but that didn’t make sense.

“You are. You are in a very dangerous position, Misa. The current Kira has his eye on you.”

* * *

Misa felt calmer.

Exhausted.

But calm.

She had an ally.

It wouldn’t make sense for Rem to betray her- Misa had nothing to give her. And Misa had no choice but to trust her.

_“Take whatever advantage you can.”_ Her father had said, and Misa didn’t plan on doing anything else.

“Thank you for your patience, I’m ready to continue.” She very carefully didn’t look up. She knew that if she saw Rem before she was seated she’d react.

“That’s good, Miss Amane.”

And when she looked up, she saw the shadow before she saw Rem’s eyes.

_Higuchi._

* * *

Higuchi’s car smelled like smoke and leather. She wondered what he paid for it- it was new, she could tell. And cherry red, like her favorite lipstick. She could see Rem in the back seat, cramped and coiled in on herself.

She never took her eyes off the two of them.

Misa had never felt safer.


	20. Chapter 20

Sayu was a masochist.

That was the conclusion she came up with, watching the news report on Higuchi in her room. It was heavily redacted, of course, and Kira was never mentioned. But a large scale chase that mobilized the police department, resulted in the death of a police officer and the death of a high powered CEO? Well, the media had to have some kind of explanation.

There, just there, if she paused the recording and rewound it, she could just see the helicopter where her brother had been when he died and Kira resurrected.

On her cellphone was a voicemail.

It was a small thing, just an every day check in.

_“Hey Sayu, it’s me. I’ll be home soon.”_ And something like that shouldn’t make the inside of her chest feel small and cold, but it did. And it did because her brother was dead.

Not dead, not really.

But…

But there was the rub.

Light was alive. He was at the Task Force headquarters, lying through his teeth. Kira was wearing his face and using him, and soon he’d come home with death’s shadow hanging over him, and she’d be back to square one.

What do you do when you’re drowning and no one can see?

Sayu took a deep breath and turned off her TV. The VCR made a noise as the tape halted and Sayu was plunged into darkness. She felt cold all over.

The streetlights were creepy, backlighting the room behind her. She felt the sudden urge to cover her mirror.

Mirrors stored energy right? Bad energy.

She had the sudden urge to take a hammer from her father’s toolkit and smash every mirror in the house. Maybe that would break the curse on her family and everything would be alright.

It was funny.

Sayu got up and staggered to her bed, thoughts awhirl.

Who considers a mass murderer family?

She must be sick.

Her eyes were burning.

“I’ll be home soon.” She repeated softly. What a joke.

She hoped Light choked on those words.

* * *

Light sneezed and felt a flush of embarrassment.

How odd.


	21. Chapter 21

Light doesn’t get agitated.

Light is patient- he has to be. He’s still under suspicion, even with Higuchi dead and the second notebook in the Task Force’s custody.

But sitting there, watching L question Rem about the Death Note’s rules, was possibly one of the hardest things he’d ever done. He mimed the appropriate responses, even faked his way through a few questions himself. In truth, he kept waiting for Rem’s eyes to flick toward him, for her to back out of her end of the bargain- for anything.

The reptilian eyes never revealed anything, and her deadpan tone never shifted. She had no tells. It was fascinating.

Light supposed that he would be able to focus on the topic more if he wasn’t waiting for Sayu to text him back. Or call.

It had been a week- why wouldn’t she call him back after so long?

Light played with the charm on his phone, lost in thought. It been awhile since he’d been on campus too- surely they wouldn’t be content with him submitting his work through email forever? Maybe he could talk Sayu into playing errand girl- she could get a proper look at the campus…

“Light?”

Damn.

“Yes, Matsuda?” He asked, putting his phone down, but still in view.

“You were zoning out.” The detective said with a conspiratory smile. He probably meant it to be endearing. Light smiled back at him.

“Ah, thanks. I was just thinking about school.” Like he’d thought, Matsuda made a playful face.

L had to know what a security risk Matsuda was, especially after the disaster that was the Yotsuba investigation. He was so desperate for attention and praise- Light was more than a little irritated he hadn’t taken advantage of it when he’d been an amnesiac. But it was fine- Matsuda still liked him, still thought of him as a peer.

And speaking of the amnesia…

As L and the Task Force members argued about who would write in the damn book, Light felt ashamed and embarrassed, remembering that late night conversation with L. It was a necessary exposure of his weakness, he tried to tell himself.

It would be over soon, and then he wouldn’t need to worry about it anymore.

The secret would die with L.

He glanced down at his phone again.

Could something be wrong with Sayu?

* * *

Misa wished she’d worn a proper coat.

The mist was cold, and she felt dirty, digging in the park for the notebook. But if she’d carried a shovel it would have been weird, and prompted stares, and she wasn’t even sure if Ryuga had totally ceased his voyeurism, so she had to do things the hard way.

The park was out of the way, and the location nondescript, but isolated, but with Light’s directions, Misa had no problem digging up the box.

The notebook itself was wrapped in plastic, and there was an envelope with her name in it, in Light’s gorgeous handwriting, addressed to her.

She suppressed the urge to squeal, instead preparing herself and reaching in to touch the notebook.

Rem hadn’t been able to prepare her for getting her memories back- there was no way for them to talk. Light hadn’t had time, and he was still being watched.

What happened was something indescribable, like an explosion inside her head, only, instead of being blinded or deafened, Misa was assaulted by the visions, sensations, and sounds of the memories that slotted themselves into the missing spaces. It wasn’t painful, but it was hard to feel- and her hands left creases on the notebook from how hard she gripped it.

“Hey Misa,” she looked to her left and smiled at the rictus grin of Ryuk.

“Ryuk! It’s been forever, how have you been?” She asked eagerly.

“Bored, mostly. There wasn’t much to do while I was waiting- Higuchi wasn’t as much fun as Light is anyway. But I did bring you something.”

The apple from the shinigami world didn’t taste like anything but dirt- and Misa resolved to get him some proper apples as soon as she could. In the meantime, she finally opened Light’s letter!

Her heart was beating so fast it was painful.

For a minute, she couldn’t breathe- he was just so romantic, but…

Here was the problem- she couldn’t remember the name!

God, how many names did she see daily? It was so overwhelming at first, and the numbers! It had given her some awful headaches until she’d learnt to filter it a bit. And that day, on campus- ugh, she could remember that Ryuga had lied. That she knew. His name hadn’t been right, and that happened so rarely that it had taken her by surprise.

Light was going to be so disappointed in her, what was she supposed to do?

Maybe…

“Ryuk,” she said decicively, taking another bite of the sand apple. “I want to make the eye deal again.”

“Really?” He sat down beside her on the ground, limbs folded up like a marionette. “You know that your lifespan will be halved again?” He asked, wheezing with laughter. And, no, Misa hadn’t thought about that, but it did make sense.

But she needed to make the deal so that she could be Light’s eyes, like she promised.

“Do it.”

Ryuk’s hand wasn’t like Rem’s, when he covered her eyes. Rem’s was hard, like her bone flesh, but Ryuk’s had a sort of leather quality. The both of them were equally cold though, so they had that in common. Like her memories, this sensation wasn’t painful, but she’d done this before and knew what to expect.

One minute her eyes were normal, and the next her vision was tinted red.

“Better?” And knowing Ryuk, that was supposed to be a joke, but it was nice to have her familiar vision back, to have the upper hand again.

“Much. C’mon, I owe you some apples.”


	22. Chapter 22

The storms were going to stay, so said the weather reports.

The sound of thunder was like the bells from before.

On the roof, if he closed his eyes, L could hear them- the bells that had heralded events to come. But the way that Light looked at him, confused and suspicious, it would mean nothing to explain.

Weddings, a birth, a baptism

_A funeral_

He’d woken up today with the feeling that something was wrong.

Impending doom was not a familiar sensation- it didn’t make sense, even considering his occupation. The sensation of going through the motions disturbed him, even as he did what he usually did- pouring his coffee, going over theories with Light.

It was standing before Watari earlier that he realized, with a shaky feeling, how numb he felt. He’d meant to ask- did his mentor feel similar? But he couldn’t get the words out.

And so there he had been on the roof, listening to the bells and shaking from the cold. But the cold was better than the sensation from before.

_“What are you doing out there?”_

Things didn’t make sense.

“_Ryuzaki_!”

What wasn’t he seeing?

Misa Amane was quickly climbing back up the suspect list again, which only made things more confusing.

What was Light planning?

Because it had to be Light, no matter what he’d said.

L turned his head and frowned. The Shinigami was gone again. She had a habit of disappearing, a fact that L wasn’t entirely comfortable with. He turned back to the monitors.

Where was the Shinigami-

The screen locked, and L saw that message. He knew what it meant, even as the alarm sounded, and the power kicked and his own heart seized in his chest like a stone.

(Moments later, in the still warmth of his own fading consciousness, L will see the phone charm on Light’s phone, and the smile hidden so carefully from the others and wonder why he didn’t see this.

If he had seen

Surely he would have solved the case off his own deathbed)

* * *

Sachiko was out late with a friend, leaving Sayu home alone.

Things had been getting better between them. With just the two of them, and Sayu finally getting rest, she had been taking advantage of the time skip to spend proper time with her mother.

She used the time to study, and when that was done, she watched television, sprawled out on the couch. She was in that pleasant place, sinking deeper into sleep, with the background of her movie still playing- something mindless, quiet, and just as warm as she felt inside.

When a careful hand ran through her hair, she stiffened.

“It’s just me, Sayu. I’m home.” Light promised softly. “Go to sleep, I’ll take care of everything.”

* * *

It was over.

Light pulled a blanket over his sister and settled in beside her on the couch.

She was still watching her garbage television, he noted with amusement. It was nice knowing that Sayu would never change.

For the first time in forever, Light was relaxed.

L was dead.

The desire to crow with victory was overwhelming, but it could wait. It was too soon.

Just hours ago the detective had breathed his last in Light’s arms, those unsettling eyes closing. Light had mimed out the appropriate response, calling for help- but who would he call? Watari? No one on the Task Force had asked that- L would have. But he was dead.

L was dead and Kira was King.

There was so much to do.

There was getting things settled with the Task Force. The funeral, of course. What a joke. Misa would have to be settled- and there was a pawn he hadn’t figured would make it. But she _had _bartered for the eyes twice, so surely her lifespan wasn’t as long as she figured. And Rem was out of the way, meaning that things would be infinitely easier on _that_ front as well… There were a thousand problems, great and small, to solve.

But, Light knew, he could afford to breathe now. Nothing couldn’t wait until the morning.


	23. Chapter 23

Something had changed.

Things should be slotting into place, everything was settled.

The Task Force was under his thumb, he was leading the investigation, L was dead. Kira reigned, and now nothing was standing in his way.

Light had been looking forward to coming home, to being able to take off the mask and just be the dutiful son and loving brother again.

And that first night, it had been wonderful- he got to sit with his sister and just watch television. And when his parents came home, Light had been able to relax and breathe and finally, finally everything was going to be alright.

But it wasn’t.

Sayu still wouldn’t meet his eyes, and it seemed to him, more often then not, she was actively avoiding him. Light couldn’t remember the last time she’d spent so much time out of the house. And, originally he had meant to ask his mother, perhaps make her see reason- but Sachiko herself was proving to be a new obstacle.

He was being forced to change his plans.

“It was so nice of you to take me out to lunch!” Misa trilled, smiling at him across the table. She was dressed down today, not in her usual Lolita outfit. Light appreciated that.

He smiled back. “I’ve got something I want to talk to you about,” he broached, fiddling with his coffee cup.

“Yes, Light?” Misa cocked her head curiously, though Light noticed a blush creeping up her neck.

_Honestly_

“I think we should move in together.” He said casually, as if it was no big deal.

Misa’s eyes went comically wide and the girl shot up and started dancing around, screaming ‘YES’ like Light had proposed marriage. It took everything in Light not to audibly sigh and bang his head on the table.

_Misa is good cover,_ he reminded himself, _she can provide for you and she has the Shinigami Eyes. It’s better to have her close, where you can keep an eye on her._

* * *

_“Light, dear?” Sachiko called out, knocking politely on his door. Light raised his head from his paperwork and turned around to watch her enter. It wasn’t normal, usually Sachiko waited for his permission. _

_Immediately his mind flashed to Sayu._

_“Is something wrong, Mom?” He asked, closing the folder. There was a sheet of incongruous notepaper among all the work, covered in names- it wouldn’t be the best thing for her to see, to say the least._

_Sachiko’s expression was uncertain, but not hostile._

_“I’ve been wondering, dear,” she began, taking a seat on the bed, “have you thought about what you’re going to do now?”_

_What he was ‘going to do now’? What did that mean?_

_“What are you talking about, Mom?”_

_“I mean…things with the investigation have settled down, and you have a nice income,” she added awkwardly, and of course she knew what his salary was, considering that Soichiro was pulling in the same number “you have a lovely girlfriend,” she added. “Are you happy, just living here? Why not-”_

_“Why not leave the nest?” He interrupted._

_His mother went a little bit red, but Light didn’t mean it in an accusatory way._

_It did make sense, he supposed, and she was right. He was an adult, a successful adult, he didn’t need to live here anymore._

_“I’m not pressuring you,” Sachiko said, a moment later, a moment too late, and far too shrilly, “I’m more than happy to have you home, Light-”_

_“It’s fine, Mom.” He promised, with false sincerity. “You want to see me where I want to be,” and at the relieved expression on her face, Light couldn’t help but think, **even if it’s where I am right now.**_

* * *

“We can’t continue to use this building.” Aizawa said at the next meeting.

“Why not?”

There was one hell of a damper today, an L shaped hole in the room.

Light refused to let his eyes wander to the late detective’s usual seat.

The whole building, which had seemed so amazing, now seemed far too big and excessive.

“I mean, it’s been compromised, hasn’t it?”

And technically it had, almost from the outset. But…

This building was a symbol. Kira had bested L- he’d taken his name, his investigation, and now, the pièce de résistance, Task Force Headquarters. No, Light wouldn’t be giving that up.

“But the Shinigami didn’t survive.” Light pointed out after a minute. “We’re never going to find a more secure Headquarters.” He added, seeing their hesitance.

But he knew he had won the discussion when his father put a hand on his shoulder and said “if you say we’re staying here, then we are, Light.”


	24. Chapter 24

Sayu had a group study on Tuesday nights.

She looked forward to them- out of the petty grievances of middle school and high school, studying was pleasant. The competition was of a different sort now- not out of petty popularity, but to succeed. That was a ruthlessness she could get behind.

There was a project due in two weeks.

Sayu had, after too long deciding on a course for her life, settled on design.

Light had despaired.

“What about science? Writing? Not that design isn’t a good course, Sayu, but you’ll struggle,” he’d tried to reason with her.

Sayu had put her foot down, firmly, and with a vehemence that had surprised her family over the dinner table.

“Light, this is my life- I like design. It’s what I’m good at, and it’s what I enjoy.” She said.

Remarkably their mother had backed her up, and Light had dropped it, although he still looked like he was sucking a lemon when she discussed her projects.

On the way back from the library, she passed a new poster for Kira’s Kingdom.

It was a gaudy thing, white and shiny. She was disgusted by the font they chose- and they’d used tracking instead of kerning.

“Fucking amateurs,” she hissed, shaking her head and continuing on her way.

It was nice, walking at night. It was quiet as she got to the residential neighborhoods. Her project partner had asked her out for dinner. He was a sweet guy, and she was considering going, if she wasn’t too busy.

Sayu heard the van coming, but didn’t think anything about it, not until she was pulled inside- blindfolded, gagged, and bound.

* * *

_I can’t believe I forgot this_, Sayu thought to herself.

It was dark, and quiet, and her arms hurt. She was sitting up in a chair, in a dark room- still gagged, tied up, blindfolded, and even with headphones on.

In short, she couldn’t hear anything, or tell anything about her surroundings.

She had to applaud her kidnappers for how thorough they were…whoever they were.

Damn it, it had been years…what the hell happened? Where was she going? Who was it that kidnapped her?

Sayu had been a spectator for so long, she forgot the pieces on the board.

Okay, okay, stay calm.

Everything was fine.

Everything would…everything would be fine.

She couldn’t help but jumped when there were suddenly hands on her, yanking off her headphones. Sound flooded her senses- the sound of footsteps, of breathing, of a building groaning under the weight of it’s own-

“I’m taking the blindfold off. You’re not Kira- so it doesn’t matter if you see my face.” A voice growled in Japanese, and Sayu blinked at the sudden light.

She was disturbed to find that there were other men in the room. Armed men. Not good.

The blonde man in front of her was watching her with irises too small for his eyes. They were colored like dirty ice. Did he blink?

Oh.

This must be Mello.

Mello had a camera.

“Smile.” Mello mocked.

* * *

Light refused to let his hands shake.

Eyes were on him, and Sayu’s life was on the line.

And this ‘N’, well, no doubt he was analyzing everything coming out of his mouth.

**_“Is there a problem…L?” _**Was he imagining it, or was N mocking him?

“No,” he assured, steadying himself. “It’s just…following the death of Takimura, Deputy Director Yagami’s daughter Sayu was kidnapped. And we believe the same person is behind it. He’s arranged for a trade in Los Angeles.”

** _“A trade? The girl’s life for the notebook, I assume.”_ **

Was he asking? “Yes.”

** _“Understood. I’ll have a team on standby in LA, they’ll be working on a need-to-know basis, and I can monitor the city by satellite. Or…nevermind. I’ll let you take the lead on this, L.”_ **

* * *

Sometimes, Near was reminded that, compared to him, the rest of the people around him were idiots.

He’d learned to break down his thinking, to tell them how he landed 15 steps ahead of them- but that didn’t mean it wasn’t annoying, especially when the people who were supposed to be following him questioned his decisions.

Of course the fake L wasn’t doing anything.

But how could they not see?

This fake L was Kira- Kira was patient, he didn’t move when he didn’t have to. He sat and waited, like a spider, for the tugs in his web. And yet…

Kira was slipping up.

Kira’s patience was running out.

But no one saw it.

_Takimura_

_Deputy Director Yagami_

_His daughter Sayu_

Such informality among this team.

How suspicious.


	25. Chapter 25

Soichiro did not tug at his tie.

He did not fidget, or hum, or pick at invisible lint. His eyes did not flick from person to person, and he certainly didn’t blink out an SOS.

Too much was on the line.

Fear sat heavy in his chest, and uncertainty, and that uncertainty made him even more afraid. He was torn- right now he had a duty to his country, as a police officer, and a duty to his daughter, as a father. His country was asking him to hand over the damn notebook, but it was to save one single life. _If it hadn’t been Sayu_, he wondered, _would I be so willing to do this?_

For once he couldn’t be sure of it.

His chest felt tight, and a headache was beginning to pound at his temples.

Sayu.

He had to focus on Sayu.

_“Bring her home,” _Light had ordered before he got on the plane.

The Task Force had had a plan. And then came the mafia (Soichiro was reminded of the action movies he watched as a young man). The threats were quiet, and he had been forced to change his plans. He wondered how they hadn’t bothered to think of something like this happening.

And now there was no way to contact them, to update Light- although, surely they had found out what was happening as soon as the blonde man had approached him in the airport. He could not receive his orders, couldn’t verify that the situation was handled.

“Relax,” the bastard said, flicking through his magazine, “your girl’s fine. If you cooperate.” Soichiro’s rage boiled under his skin, but he kept his vision trained ahead.

It was all for Sayu.

* * *

He had never known a heat like this- the sun beating down on him, boiling him under suit, and the metal case in his hand. The sound of the plane taking off had been loud, and left his ears ringing, and the taste of sand and dirt in his mouth.

“Just keep walking,” the voice in his ear instructed, and, left without a choice, Soichiro did. What would happen to the passengers on the plane? Would they wonder what had happened, why the plane had landed to allow him off?

It gave him some form of comfort, the thought that this might become some sort of story.

Of course, the best sort of story would be the one coming from Sayu, telling it to her children.

_When all this is over _

When the metal door raised up, revealing the underground bunker, he was fascinated, and alarmed. Any chance of surveillance was out the window, and now, now he was truly alone.

Soichiro took a deep breath and entered, hearing and feeling the metal door close behind him. The hallway was plunged in darkness, but, ahead and around the corner, there was light, just enough light to make his way down the stairs without tripping. It was still how, underground, without air circulation, the heat just stayed stagnant and left everything with a foggy, humid sort of feeling. The urge to tug at his tie was overwhelming.

As he rounded the corner, Soichiro let out a gasp- a glass chamber like something from a horror movie separated his daughter from him. Sayu was standing, her fist beating on the glass- her mouth was moving, but he couldn’t hear her. Before he could stop himself, Soichiro was running to her- touching the glass.

She was safe, Mello hadn’t lied; she didn’t look dehydrated, or hurt, beyond being a little rattled and, dare he say it, pissed off.

“Sayu-”

On the other side of the glass, behind her, a man stepped up, wearing a leather mask appeared. His arm lifted, revealing a gun. Sayu saw the horror on his face and turned to look behind her, just in time to see the gun fire. She flinched and ducked away from a bullet that didn’t come.

_“It’s bulletproof and soundproof.” _Said a voice over the intercom. _“This place has always been used for mob hand offs. This little device,” _he gestured to the sectioned glass walls, _“is something I came up with. You give me the notebook, I turn the doors, and we both end up with what we want. Understand?” _His laugh was sarcastic, the laugh of a long time smoker. _“And if you don’t cooperate, well, she’s dead. Got it?”_

Soichiro nodded, not trusting his voice. The notebook looked absurdly small in the little drawer it slid into, for such a devastating thing.

Sayu rushed into his arms.

“Dad, I’m sorry, I’m so sorry,” she sobbed, holding him tight.

Soichiro held her tighter. “It’s alright, I’m here, we’re going home.” He promised.

Sayu nodded, and he’d never been prouder than when she walked out of there on her own two feet.


	26. Chapter 26

Honestly, Sayu just wanted everything to go back to normal.

Soichiro had wasted no time in taking her home, where she was looked over by doctors and had to sign some papers explaining what happened. There was an interview, statements, and then she went home. Home, where her mother nearly bowled her over, sobbing.

“We need to get away,” Sachiko argued that night, at dinner. “Just us.”

Sayu had been starving, and for once she’d forgone her manners and just _ate_. There was a hole inside of her and she needed to fill it, and so long as her mother kept feeding her, she would eat. Soichiro had agreed- a weekend, or even a week, away from investigations and Kira-

“No.” Sayu had said.

It had drawn them up short, and she saw the confusion flutter across her father’s tired face, and the anger in her mother’s.

“What?”

“No. I don’t want a vacation.” She wanted to forget the guns and the blindfolds. “I want everything to go back to normal and move on with my life.”

Sayu swore she had actually seen her mother swell up indignantly. “Young lady,” Sachiko said, her tone brokering no argument, “we are going to take a break. All of us. We are all stressed out and need to recover and you will not say another word, do you understand?” And honestly, Sayu was just tired enough to say fuck it and agree.

The vacation though, wasn’t doing her much good, she felt.

Sachiko hovered and babied her and it made her anxious. Soichiro just kept looking at her, with this…this brokenhearted look and she hated it, so so much.

So she went out of her way to stay out of the way. She stayed in her little room, feigning exhaustion.

(They all pretended that her sleepwalking hadn’t prompted extra precautions

Locks and alarms- none on her door, but it still stung)

Sayu, the real Sayu, had been catatonic after her experience with Mello. In a way, she could see why- to go from being sheltered so carefully, and babied, to being put in a life or death situation, it would have been shocking.

But she had done this before. She had woken up in a world that wasn’t hers, in a stolen body, and learned to deal with all that this stolen life entailed.

(Sayu tried not to think about it, really. About the life that she took. She didn’t even know if she was responsible for it. She could vaguely remember a pretty, bubbly girl who worshipped her brother. But with every passing day, her memories got blurrier. She couldn’t risk writing them down, and so she’d forgotten. She was forgetting.

She wished she could forget all of it)

One night, she sat in bed, listening to her stomach growl and the silence of the house. It was a little bigger than a cottage, in the country, with plenty of room to ‘recover’.

It was tentatively that she wandered out of her room to find something to eat.

At the table sat her father in the silence, stopping her short.

“Are you okay, Dad?” She asked hesitantly.

Soichiro didn’t jump, which she expected.

“I’m fine. Would you like some tea?” He offered, not looking at her. Sayu decided to take him up on the offer. It would be rude not to.

Again, she was facing that empty, broken look, and it was directed right at her.

“Are you okay?” She repeated as her father poured her a cup of tea. It smelled like chamomile.

“No.” Soichiro admitted, after a beat.

For a minute, the silence was uncomfortable.

“I’m glad that you’re safe, Sayu.” He told her, and Sayu tried to smile. “I…I’m so glad…” His hands were shaking.

Maybe, she realized, Soichiro was just as broken as she was.

“Dad. What was the notebook?” She asked him, and this time he jumped.

Maybe he’d tell her. Maybe she could logically know something about her family’s life and not have to _pretend _anymore-

“It’s related to the Kira investigation, Sayu,” and the _pity_ and the _pain _in his voice killed her. But more than that, it made her angry.

“I was _kidnapped_ because of your investigation!” She snarled, “I didn’t know if I was going to live- and you still want to keep your secrets!”

_And who are you to talk? _Demanded that voice deep inside her. _All of your secrets, all the chances you threw away- those victims are your fault, you could have saved **all **of them but you didn’t._

_You sat on your thumbs and watched it unfold because you were scared_

_You are useless_

She realized that he was crying.

Soichiro’s shoulders didn’t shake, and he didn’t curl up on himself, but the tears streaming down his face were undeniable, and all the fight went out of her, replaced by guilt.

“I’m sorry.” She said, immediately, pressing a hand to his arm. “I’m so sorry, Dad.” She was ashamed at how her voice shook. Alarmed, Soichiro wiped at his eyes and face.

“No.” His big hand took hers, and his voice was surprisingly steady. “No you shouldn’t be sorry, Sayu. You’re right, but I can’t…I can’t talk to you about it.”

Soichiro closed his eyes but didn’t release her hand.

“Did you hesitate?” She asked. “It was important, obviously. But…did you hesitate to do the trade?”

She couldn’t remember how he felt.

Besides, things changed. She knew that more than anyone.

“No.” He promised, surprisingly fiercely. “There was no hesitation to make the decision to save you, Sayu.” It was nice, hearing that, she had to admit. Even if she couldn’t quite believe it.

“If I had been anyone else?” She asked, taking a drink of her cooling tea.

Soichiro sighed and rubbed at his eyes.

“I…I’d like to think that the decision would have been the same. But I don’t know,” he confessed. It shouldn’t have made her feel better, really. It might have only been her connection to the investigation that kept her alive.

“You’re a good man, Dad.” Sayu said suddenly.

She didn’t know why she said it, but it needed to be said.

“You’re a good man, and I know you would have done anything to save them, if it hadn’t been me who was taken.”

Soichiro sighed and pushed his cup away. By now it was probably stone cold.

Sayu washed hers out and pressed a kiss to his cheek before she went back to bed.

The next morning she asked if they could all go on a walk, surprising her parents.

* * *

Mello had to get used to flakes in his time since leaving Wammy’s.

There, everyone had been varying degrees of capable and intelligent. It was only once he was out among the more plebian people of the world it really dawned on him how _useless _people were.

One of the first things he’d learned on his own had been to tell who was useful and who was use_less_.

The Shinigami Sidoh, though he looked frightening, and Mello was still repressing the urge to shake from his first appearance, was useless.

He could smell the weakness on him- maybe from the way the shrouded thing sat on the couch munching on a chocolate bar.

It wasn’t human. So why did it act like it was?

No, this thing meant nothing in the grand scheme of things- it offered information, but nothing that the notebook itself didn’t offer.

Truly useless.

“Boss,” one of the underlings tried to argue. They were spineless, honestly- had been since Sidoh. “He’s invisible, he’d be great for surveillance, wouldn’t he?”

“No. Kira and the Task Force might be able to see him. He could be lying. But more than that, I don’t trust him.” He glared at the idiot in front of him.

_He wants the notebook. _Mello reasoned to himself. _There’s no reason to trust him._


End file.
